Holding onto hope
by PT21
Summary: A tragedy sent Will and Deanna away from The Enterprise to lead a completely different life apart from each other. But a chance glimpse of a photograph gave Will the smidgen of hope that he'd been searching for. Now he just had to convince Deanna that they had too much to hold on to to let go of the dreams they'd once had.
1. Chapter 1

HOLDING ONTO HOPE

By Carol Sandford

Rated M for mature audience

Disclaimer is in force, so let me be, you brutes!

Cooper Landing, Alaska, Earth...

Deanna Troi's dreams were finally coming true - or so she truly, and wanted, to believe. Surrounded by a gaggle of family, and close, dear friends, all were giggling at the gifts that Deanna was opening one by one.

With a contented smile, a smile that people hadn't seen for a long, long time, she looked around her; family - Deanna's ultimate dream. She was surrounded by soon-to-be family and was almost beside herself with joy. Even the surprise bridal shower had meant the universe to Deanna as it meant she was truly welcomed and accepted and she could not wait for her wedding day to arrive in one week's time to finally belong to them all.

There were two parcels to go; Deanna ripped open the pretty paper and stared bemused at the chrome contraption within admiring its sheen and its strange shape. She held it up precariously between finger and thumb turning it slowly about, her confusion escalating by the second, "its... lovely! What is it?"

The chorus of light-hearted banter escalated three-fold at her sweet innocence. Her soon-to-be sister-in-law broke between the giggles to tell her, "Oh, Deanna, darling, they're pasta spoons of course! You _are_ going to cook for Anthony sometimes, aren't you? You do know it's the best way to get into his good books, and his pants, honey!"

Deanna turned crimson at the sexual innuendo but it was lost in the cacophonous laughter that now escalated to fever pitch and it was many moments before the noise died down as Deanna busied herself opening her final present. She had deliberately saved it until last because it was from her best friend; the one person who knew her inside and out, and also knew how much the upcoming wedding was going to change her life, for many reasons; Some were good, some welcomed, and some very heartbreaking.

But for now it was all forgotten as a chorus of howls and whistles erupted as Deanna inched out the vibrant red and see-through gossamer teddy, eventually holding it aloft for all to admire. Every person in the room oooohed! At its sheer satiny texture, and aaaaaahed at the minuscule red hearts that adorned its edges, and they winked at the revealing cut away sections designed purely to titivate and excite.

Giggling, Deanna held it against her slender body swirling it this way and that, capturing the translucence of its colours. The garment only highlighted just how pretty she really was and Deanna wallowed in the momentary power it gave her, "I don't think it will fit me, it looks far too small." She chuckled.

Another sister-to-be, Janice was quick with a response, "What does it matter, sweetie? You won't be wearing it long enough to make any difference!" The room exploded into giggling pandemonium and despite it all; the laughter, the tears and the pains, Deanna knew she would always remember this to be one of the happiest times of her life.

An hour later as these women who stood with her now as they hugged her one by one as they passed through the door to leave, had become a huge part her life; her future life, along with the man that was about to become her husband and it wasn't until she watched them all piling into their various vehicles; their engines kicking into life with a united roar, drowning out everything except their merriment that Deanna realised that another engine could be heard above them all, only this one was approaching, fast.

As it neared Deanna's euphoria of her friends excited leaving began to wither away as the shadowy silhouette of the vehicle's driver through the dusty windscreen became apparent. It was the last person she expected to see. It was also the one person that she didn't want to see, either, not really. Euphoria turned to dread. Dread turned briefly to joy. And then joy turned to dreaded fear.

Everything Deanna Troi had worked for; forgotten; buried and had prayed for, had turned up, out of the blue, on her doorstep five days before her wedding; five days before he would have been permanently out of her life for good.

As his engine cut out the silence around him became very noticeable as one by one of the other motors switched off their engines and a dozen sets of eyes watched the newcomer with unguarded, even approving, interest. Every woman on the planet could not have turned their eyes away from the man. Even before he stepped out of the land-jeep their mouths all fell open at his classical he-man looks; dark hair now long enough to sit upon his shoulders. Eyes that were so startling blue that you had to look twice to believe the colour was true.

He looked moody, another trait that seemed to fascinate women - everyone except Deanna of course who understood that look; knew that it was his way of holding his emotions in check. He was scared; she could feel that; she could see it too. Luckily her friends could not. To them he was just the epitome of a Man; a hunk; a hero.

When he opened the mud-splattered car door and stepped out he proved it even more so as he managed to exude an even larger gasp of sexual awareness from his gawping admires; he was tall, so tall that every woman before him had to look up, and not one of them minded doing so. In fact, Deanna thought bemused as she watched; she doubted they would have even been surprised if they'd fell to their knees before him in full worshipping mode.

Such was the power of one William T. Riker, once owner of her soul.

Tbc...


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Even though he was intent on approaching the woman he had spent a long time searching for, Will still managed to find himself throwing a grin to the ladies that had all but stopped in their tracks to witness his arrival. He quietly chuckled when he heard one of them whisper to her mate, 'Call 911, I'm having a heart attack.' But he didn't stop walking until he reached his goal; until he came so close to Deanna he not only could see her fear, he could smell it too.

Deanna was scared to death of him and Will knew why. He had come to upset her perfect little world and she knew it. They both knew it. Nothing was said, but then what could be said? Will wondered belatedly if Deanna even knew why he'd come. Her heart told her he had come for her, but her head told her he'd come to finalise what they'd left hanging from so long ago.

As she watched Will walk towards her stunned position, Deanna wondered how he had found her as it couldn't have been easy. Deanna's days on the Enterprise were long gone but never forgotten, she'd never do that. Her whole life was nothing like what she'd left behind. But she couldn't go back, because along with the good memories were some of the most painful ones she'd ever had to endure, and they all involved the man now standing still before her.

Will Riker couldn't believe he was finally standing in front of her. He didn't care that she was about to be married. He didn't even care that she had run away from him all those years ago leaving him heartbroken and beside himself with grief at not only his own loss but Deanna's too; A time when their hopes and dreams disappeared along with practically everything else that they'd had between them.

Except for the love, that was still there. That would always be there. And it was that that Will was clinging on to even though his Imzadi was about to marry another man. Will shuddered as he realised at just how close he'd come to losing her for good.

Unable to stand before her any longer and not hold her his eyes dropped to the article in her hand and he couldn't resist reaching down and removing it from her frozen fingers. He dangled the transparent scrap of material at shoulder height between them, both eyes drawn to it as intimate images of seeing her wearing it heightened the sexual awareness already evident between them. It was highly erotic and conjured up times past when their own moments of desire were magical, and so right.

It was that very thought that snapped Deanna back to the present and reaching up she snatched the teddy from his hands, but not before he'd murmured for her ears only, 'Very nice, Deanna, you'll look beautiful in it." He gave her the old cocky grin, the one that used to reduce her to a puddle, and she reluctantly admitted, still did.

It took only a moment for Deanna to come to her senses and demand some answers as her cheeks stained pink with her embarrassment, "What are you doing here, Will, why have you come, today of all days?"

But she couldn't break her gaze away from his. Even as her harsh words were being spoken, she was taking his appearance in; imprinting it on her mind once more - just in case today ended with him walking out of her life for good, a thought that sent a swift pain to her midriff leaving her to add a desperate plea to questions that she already knew didn't need any answers. But still, she asked again, firmer this time, the answer long awaited. "Why have you come, Will?"

A movement behind them reminded them that they weren't alone. Her fiancé's entire family and her friends sat enthralled at the events unfolding right before their very eyes, disappointed that they had been caught out listening in on a reunion between two people who had obviously been more, much more than past acquaintances.

Showing an unconvincing grin that clearly hid an assortment of feelings Deanna reassured the onlookers that Will wasn't some crazy man come to enact his revenge on her, "It's okay, Will's a very old...friend of mine. I'll be fine, honest. You can all go."

It was clear that not one of them wanted to leave, not only because they were worried but because they wanted to know just who and what the big man was to her. But when Deanna waved to them and turned to head back indoors and the big man followed her in, it was very clear they were being dismissed, and reluctantly they began to move off to their own homes.

Once they were inside her home and away from prying eyes Deanna stood her ground in the centre of the living area that was still littered with the remains of her bridal shower; gifts, wrapping paper, and hanging from the door, was her bridal gown. Its whiteness was so striking it almost glowed and the glittery sheen within its folds glistened with the last remnants of light that streamed in through the windows. It was beautiful.

But none of it was acknowledged as the couple stood before one another once more, each devouring each other's features, both wanting to say much more than the cursory conversation they were about to have. Their bodies strained against the desire to leap into each other's arms, the pull a hurt that both felt from deep within. It had been so long for them both. Too long.

Snapping back to reality Deanna swallowed loudly and broke the silence, staring up into his eyes as he hungrily took in her features, "You really shouldn't have come, Will." She let her voice trail off. Her mouth dried up, her thoughts scattered and her heart pounded so loud she was sure he could hear it.

Steely eyes snapped to attention, capturing hers and making it clear he wasn't going to be swayed that easily. Will was determined, "Nope, Deanna, won't work. We have unfinished business to discuss and I'm not prepared to do it here. This place is..." His eyes flitted around the room, his gaze finally and reluctantly settling on the wedding dress. He swallowed convulsively as he swallowed the bile that rose as his mind conjured up an image of her wearing the dress for another man. "I can't do this here. I want you to come to my place...just to talk. All I want you to do is listen, help me through this and then I'll bring you home, okay?"

Deanna was horrified, not with revulsion but sheer terror at what he could do to her sanity and her heart, "Wh...What! Are you mad?!" She cried with alarm. "I can't go anywhere with you, Will Riker. I am engaged to another man - a wonderful man. I'm not going anywhere with you!"

Closing his eyes to hide the wave of disappointment, Will raised his hands in a defeated gesture, his hurt written all over his face as sadness overtook his soul. Taking a deep breath, he tried tact, "Okay, okay, you win. Just grant me one meal in a little diner near here. Let me have my say and then I'll leave you in peace, deal?"

Deanna pondered for only a moment before deciding. "Deal" She wasn't quite ready to see him walk away and never to see him again without at least finding out what he was up to these days, or if he had any news of her long lost colleagues and friends. And even though she was scared senseless about what he had to say to her, Deanna knew she owed him that, at the very least.

By the time she had found her purse and checked her flushed face in the mirror, Will left her. With his hands jammed hard into his pockets Will was already outside, his unease radiating from every pore at being in her house. A minute or so later he was helping her into the passenger side of the jeep and was speeding off towards town leaving a trail of dust obliterating the picturesque little house that Deanna called home behind them.

Will drove into town and for all intent and purpose he appeared to be looking for a parking space in the long but narrow street down town. Deanna's mind must have been totally lost as she stared out of the side window wondering why she'd behaved like she did back on the Enterprise because Will had hit the suburbs before Deanna finally registered that they hadn't stopped. "Wh...Where are you taking me, Will? There isn't a diner this far out of town."

Will's quick glance at her was stony and determined before he turned his eyes back to the road ahead, his voice taut with tension, "We're not eating at the diner. I'm taking you to my place. What we've got to discuss shouldn't be done in a public place."

He turned to glance at her stricken face again before continuing, his voice breaking at her sudden tears, his hostility gone. "I don't think I want people to see my face when you tell me why you ran out on me after our baby died, Deanna."

Tbc...


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

There, he had said it. Those words had bounced around Will's head for five, whole years and now he'd found her he wanted to know the answer; he needed to know the answer, even if it was only so that he could move on, hopefully with her, but if not, then it would have to be without. But it would be a cold day in hell before gave Deanna up that easily again. But either way, at least he would have got an answer to something that had been eating him alive for so long.

Will briefly dared a glance at the silent woman sitting beside him taking in her sudden pallor at his somewhat harsh words, he belatedly realised. It was obviously not what she was expecting to hear. He'd hazarded a guess that she wanted to know if he was going to take her away from her betrothed. The true reason had shocked her even though logically Deanna shouldn't have been so surprised. But she had surprised him more five years ago when she'd walked out of his life without so much as a goodbye. And now he wanted to know why.

The silence that fell between them as Will continued moving out of town and up higher into the forested landscape that loomed ahead told its own story; they were both remembering...

**/**

It had been a miracle when they had been reunited on the Enterprise D, even if they hadn't renewed their once torrid love affair on her home planet. Together they had grown, time had passed and they had both moved on with their lives and careers until one day they visited a planet called Baku. Will remembered those times with a tender, bittersweet smile; it had been like old times, only better. They were both older and so Will had initially thought, wiser. That was until the day that Deanna had told him about the baby.

He still remembered the animation in her eyes as she'd kissed him, took his hand and placed it on her still flat tummy whispering that they had created a new life together. He also remembered how his shock had destroyed that magical moment and that they had never really recovered from it. When Deanna had lost the baby just two months later it had been the last nail in the coffin, for them both.

Believing that Will had been secretly relieved that she had lost their child, as soon as she'd been physically cleared by the onboard hospital, Deanna had left. No goodbye, no note, nothing. Will didn't know where she had gone, or when she had gone. She'd left him while he'd been away on a mission; a mission that in hindsight he should never have gone on. But at the time he'd thought it was the best thing to do, for both of them. Now he'd known it was just about the worst thing he could have done. Deanna had needed him in her darkest hours and he hadn't been there for her, and for that she couldn't forgive him.

It had been true; Will had been shocked at the news of the baby. They had only just got used to being together after so long apart and then a few years as close friends on board the Enterprise before Baku's magic had pulled them back to being Imzadi once more. But Will wasn't ready to share her with a child just yet. It wasn't so long after her news that he came around to the idea of nurturing a child with his soul mate, but the damage had been done. Deanna had never forgiven him for those negative thoughts, even though he had mourned alongside her as they'd both watched their miniscule baby leave her body prematurely.

Will understood now that it was depression that caused the woman he loved to flee. But back then it had been different; He had been different. He was bitter and angry and wallowing in his own misery and he suffered as much as Deanna, locking himself away in his own desolate world whilst Deanna struggled alone in hers. They were two souls torn apart each unable to join forces and battle together.

Will still could not understand why Deanna hadn't sought the professional help that she'd clearly needed. She was a counselor, for God's sake. Counselor's didn't get depressed, or so he stupidly thought. It hadn't taken him long to realise that doctors were their own worst patients. Never in a million years had he thought that she'd admit to having a problem.

But he'd been wrong on that count too and it was why she had run; escaped him and the stalemate situation they had become entangled in. Deanna was also escaping all the pitying eyes and curious minds of those friends close enough to care but no one truly understanding them enough to help them in their desperate hours of need and comfort. It had been the worst of times for both Deanna and Will, but neither could find solace with anyone but themselves. Day by day they were both dying a little inside with not only the loss of their child but of the bond that was being shredded before their very eyes.

Alongside the pain of losing the baby and Will, Deanna had finally acknowledged to herself that she needed professional help and she needed to leave the ship to find it. Leaving Will, her soul and every other bad memory far behind her, Deanna made her way to Earth, found herself an excellent counselor and had begun her life again, slowly, painfully, guiltily, but necessary to come back to a point where she could face the world and attempt to live a relatively normal but lonely life without the man who had been the other half of her.

Meantime, Will had made some major life-changing decisions about his life himself. Leaving Starfleet and the Enterprise, he returned to Earth and went home, only to find when he arrived that his father was in poor health, so poor that Will only got to spend barely four weeks with him before he passed away peacefully in his sleep.

It had only been then that he'd discovered that Kyle Riker had signed away Will's family home and the surrounding land to a property developer. Despite his grief, Will had pulled out every ounce of energy he'd possessed and fought the developers all the way, until at last, they all reached a compromise. Yes, the developers were going to build on his land, but they would be building homes that Will helped design; Homes that fitted in with the surrounding landscape. Specialised log cabins created with the less fortunate's in mind; kids that couldn't afford the kind of holiday that Will's dream envisioned; fishing, pony treks, tobogganing and fun, lots of fun.

Even though Will had earned a good sum from the sale of his home and the land, he had channelled a lot of it back into the project and managed to build a new home for himself in the next county. Eventually Will found the location of his dreams; Moose Pass. He'd seen it and instantly fell in love with the area. It seemed a galaxy away from where he'd been born and raised, but it hadn't been, not really. It was still the same country and it was still the same beautiful vista. The only difference was the memories that his old home held. Will had left those far behind in Valdez. Now he needed to start making new memories along with his new life. And all he needed was one woman to complete the transformation. Deanna. All he had to do was find her, somehow. His once tortured life had finally reached a level that he could live with. Finding Deanna was the final piece of the jigsaw that was missing and now he had the peace of mind to start his search. He thought he was going to have search among the distant worlds that he knew were out there. The day that he finally found her had been the one of the biggest surprises of his life.

**/**

It had been a labour of love as Will watched his home being built, log by log. He finally felt like he had come home and now he was taking Deanna to see it. He wanted her to fall in love with it. He wanted her to walk in the door and never want to leave it, or him, ever again. He wanted it so bad he was almost prepared to sell his soul to the devil to see it happen. And a few days ago that was how he'd found himself in Antony Carstair's office. He needed money and he needed it fast. Carstair's had the ways and the means. All he needed to do was persuade the rich business man that he could become even richer, if he invested in Will's dream.

And then he'd walked into office Carstair's barely two weeks ago and discovered that the woman he was selling his soul for was alive and kicking, and so much so, she'd gone and gotten herself engaged to the man that sat behind the desk. The timing, the moment had been so uncanny that Will still kicked himself to believe it. He still wasn't sure if it was luck stepping in again or if it was fate. Will chose to believe that it was fate. He and Deanna were destined to spend their lives together, of that he was certain and now he had been given yet another chance to show her how much she still meant to him, and this time there would be no misunderstandings. Will still loved Deanna with every ounce of his heart and he fully intended letting her know that as soon as he could get her away from Carstair.

Tbc...


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

It had been a shock walking into Antony Carstair's plush office and seeing a framed photograph of Deanna - his Deanna, perched on the edge of his desk. A casual question as to who the beautiful woman was confirmed his worst nightmare; 'That, my man, is the most beautiful woman in the universe, and I might add, my fiancée. We are to be married two weeks today. Aren't I a lucky fella?' he crowed, smugly.

Will nearly punched him.

Will had almost died on the spot. It had taken all of his strength to carry on for his reason to being there, in that office; he needed financial backing for his latest project and Carstair's had been just about his last resort, and in doing so he'd and at the same moment he'd found Deanna, he'd possibly lost his other dream. It was a toss-up as to which was the worst scenario in the end. The two were supposed to come together; His reunion with his Imzadi and his dream home. Now it looked like could lose both if he didn't keep his head.

It hadn't taken Will long to track Deanna down after that meet with Carstairs, purely by a process of elimination. He'd expected to find her name amongst the numerous psychologist-come-counselors listed in the phone book, but he was surprised to find her under consultancy practises specialising in bereavements. But then when Will sat and thought about it, he realised just how logical her move was.

And now Deanna was here, with him in his jeep and heading out to his home, hopefully to stay once he'd gotten her to listen to his side of the story and accepted his apologies - all of them.

He was abruptly brought out of his silent planning by Deanna's sudden insistence that he stopped. "Pull over, Will!"

He was instantly panicked but begun to slow the vehicle down, clearly perplexed with her hasty demand. "What for, Deanna? You can hardly walk back to town from here, we're miles away."

Deanna's pleading eyes held a hint on disgust as she turned and faced him, "There are more people than you to consider, Will. I want to call Antony. He has a right to know where I'm going and who with, otherwise he will worry. You may not care about him, but I do. Pull over."

Will flushed beetroot at her tone, but acceded to her request. But then an evil thought spiralled through his mind; yes, this was not such a bad idea; Carstair's aware that she was off with her ex. Just might be the answer to a prayer that he silently made as he watched her pace outside the jeep, her phone glued to her ear as she told her fiancé that she was other engaged.

By the time Deanna had gotten back into the jeep, her mood had reduced to sullenness drastically. She was scared before, but now she was terrified. Will watched her climb back into the cab, his feelings carefully masked. But even so, forcibly keeping his tone neutral, he couldn't help asking her, "You okay. Did you speak to...him?"

She glanced at him sideways, her face contorted into a unladylike sneer as she responded, he tone caustic, "Him has a name, it is Antony, and yes, everything is perfectly fine, thank you," and on an even haughtier note she added, "and Antony trusts me, implicitly."

But her silence after told Will another story. Deanna quietly fumed at her fiancé's flippant response to her revelation. In fact he'd seemed quite unconcerned; 'Okay honey-bunch, if you need to do this you have my blessing, just let me now when you get back, okay?' It wasn't what Deanna wanted to hear. She wanted Antony to blow his stack and demand that she return home, or even that maybe he was coming to rescue her. It all only reminded her just how passionless their relationship was.

Deanna had met Antony two whole years ago when he'd become a patient of hers in her newly founded bereavement support group. He had lost his father a short while before and along with the death of his father he had the added horror of taking on a massive business that his father had built up. Antony hadn't known where to start apart from accepting that he needed guidance to deal with his loss before tackling the firm. Within weeks he and Deanna had become an item.

Antony knew Deanna had been carrying around a lot of baggage herself but he liked to believe that they had been able to help each other. He also knew about her baby, promising her it would be the first thing they would concentrate on after they were married; a family. It was what Deanna wanted most of all. She'd lost Will and lost his baby, but Antony was going to give her a second chance at having what she'd always wanted.

But the passion between them was, if not non-existent, then very dispassionate. After Will, Deanna didn't think she would ever know the kind of passion that they'd had again. After Will, she didn't even know if she even wanted to feel that way again. These days she was content with being content. These days she just wanted to belong and Antony offered both of those too.

But now, the one man that had caused all her past pain had turned up and it was about to start all over again and Deanna didn't know if she was strong enough to resist him. Lord knows she wanted to, but Antony's indifference to her immediate plight had thrown her and with a growing dread Deanna knew she was on her own.

The thousand questions that spun through Will's mind got pushed to one side as he began to negotiate the road-less trail that led up to his home. Purposely built for seclusion, its views, its authenticity, and a burning desire to have all that and more, had spurred Will on like a man possessed, until at last, it had been completed. But on its completion came the cruel reminder that he had run out of money.

That was until a close friend and companion had come up with an idea and that was how Will had found himself in Carstair's office.

Starfleet had been after Will's expertise almost from the day he had resigned his commission. Now they were offering him the chance of a little of both worlds. Admiral Drashnau wanted Will to be a test pilot, a job that entailed Will taking command of a new ship - any ship that was fresh out of the production line, and putting it through its paces before being commissioned out to a full permanent crew.

The idea captured Will's attention enough to agree to it which meant he had the opportunity of leasing his home to anyone who wanted to escape it all and live in the wilds for a while, for a price. Everything was too good to turn down, and Will couldn't afford to turn it down, period.

He needed money - fast, to complete the necessary changes to accommodate guests - like a road. As they bumped and heaved along the narrow, barely passable track, Will figured that Carstair's money couldn't come soon enough.

As they continued along the bumpy drive Will had to give Deanna credit; she hung on without uttering one word as she was thrown around the cab like a rag doll. At least Will had a steering wheel to cling on to; poor Deanna only had her wits and he didn't know who sighed with relief the loudest when he at last pulled up in a clearing.

As Deanna slowly took in her surroundings Will felt obligated to apologise to her. "Sorry about the ride, Deanna, but I do hope to have a road soon."

Hopping out of the jeep Will quickly trotted around to her door and swung it open and waited patiently for her to step out. It took several long, tense moments before she did so, but it wasn't for Will's benefit that she finally did. It was for the panorama that was spread out before her eyes.

She turned full circle in the same spot before stopping and uttering in awe, her face alive with longing. "Oh, Will, what a wonderful spot!"

Will beamed at her praise and puffed up with pride as he came and stood beside her and took in the same view that she was seeing, even though he'd seen it a million times. And if he saw it another million times he would still never tire of it. The forest rose around the lodge like a sanctuary; blocking out the world, giving Will the peace that he craved, almost. All he needed now was the woman who stood beside him silhouetted by the dipping sun to complete the dream. "I know," he agreed quietly. "I searched for a long time to find the perfect place and found it here. I knew as soon as I saw it I had to build our new home here."

Will almost stopped breathing when he realised what he had just said, wondering if she had heard the remark too. But she seemed oblivious to his words, and before long, Will's heartbeat returned to normal as he chided himself for being so stupid. What was he thinking!?

Instead he took her gently by the elbow and steered her towards the house, his boyish enthusiasm unmistakable and infectious, "Come and see inside. I've even got a couple of steaks in the fridge ready to throw on the barbecue. You are in for the meal of your life, Deanna."

But even as they stepped through the heavy ornate pine door, they were both already thinking about the conversation after. They both wondered if they were even going to be able to eat the meal as simultaneously their stomachs tightened with tension.

Stepping into Will's home was like stepping into another world for Deanna. She slowly took in everything around her; the highly polished pine floors. Two large, intricate and brightly coloured native Indian rugs lay on the floor and similar murals adorned the walls. Everything fitted in perfectly even though the house was modern. Will had spent a lot of time, effort and money getting it like it was. He was proud of his new home and rightly so and Deanna could only shrug with acceptance of his choices.

"It's beautiful, Will."

He grinned at her as he worked his way easily around the kitchen area gathering the ingredients and starting to prepare the meal that he had promised her, "Yeah, I think so too."

Pouring two tall glasses of something frosted, Will brought them over to her and handed her one, "Here you go."

Deanna muttered her thanks, feeling awkward as they both stood in the middle of the room suddenly unsure what to say to one another. Eventually it was Will who broke the awkward silence as his eyes slowly took in her features, "You changed your hair."

Deanna automatically reached up to stroke the bobbed length of now straight rich auburn hair, a fanciful attempt at changing her appearance along with everything else she had changed in her life. She grinned ruefully at him before swinging her arm in a wide arc, her eyes following its sweep, "You changed your life."

He chuckled as he indicated for her to sit on the huge, plush, comfortable couch that was large enough for them both to sit beside one another without being in each other's laps, "Yeah, I sure did that. Being cooped up on a Starship was driving me insane..." He didn't have to add that she had been the cause of his insanity. He seemed to want to talk so Deanna sat back and let him, "I came home only to find dad at deaths door and the house and land about to be sold. I had no job, no prospects and nothing to live for at the time...except that I had to find you. That was my only reason for living back then."

Deanna watched the bad memories flit across his features but she kept silent, instinctively knowing that there was more to come.

"Dad passed away." Deanna instantly reached out and touched his arm in condolence and Will stared at her slender hand until Deanna realised it was the same hand that housed the sparkling diamond ring and she quickly pulled it away. He continued, his tone now more subdued. "It's okay, he was suffering so his death was a release for him. Anyhow, I then found out about the deal to sell the house and the land. I was very angry about it at first, mostly for dad's deception and insensitivity, but then once I had calmed down and thought rationally about it, it had been the right thing to do. The house had ceased being my home the day mom died. It was just somewhere that I slept in and ate in, fought with dad in, then visited in between assignments. It wasn't home, it was just a house."

"Anyhow," he sighed, "I agreed to sell it all on the condition that the homes built on it were met with my requirements, and they agreed to that too. Now there are twenty special needs lodges built on the land designed for the needy and the disabled. Parents send their kids, or come with them and stay at the lodge for a week or whatever." Will grinned with pride again. "They have the time of their lives."

It was clearly evident that Will was proud of his achievements and rightly so. Deanna was proud of him too. She smiled at him tenderly and asked, "And now?"

Will let out a breath, "And now I'm back working for Starfleet as a test pilot for all the new ships and shuttles. Sometimes I'll be busy, sometimes I won't. The times I'll be busy the lodge will be leased out, and when I'm not busy, I'll be here, at home."

Home; it had such a lovely ring to it as they both sat and basked in the word. It was what they had always wanted and was probably the driving force for Deanna to leave the Enterprise and her old life behind. She knew she would never achieve her dream of having a home and a family whilst she was out in space, and she had wrongly thought that that was what Will had not wanted. Looking around her now it was painfully obvious that it hadn't been the case. He'd craved a home life as much as she. Trouble was, it was probably too late for it to be done together. Time had moved them on; new careers, new lives, new relationships and new ideals. Imzadi had forsaken them.

Time slipped by as they quietly sipped at their drinks and watched the flames flicker in the grate that Will had lit as he'd told her about his life. And then suddenly Will jumped to his feet and headed back toward the kitchen, suddenly uncomfortable with his thoughts, and Deanna's. "I'm getting hungry," he threw over his shoulder at her. "Take a look around if you like. You can have the bedroom to the right at the top of the stairs."

Now alerted to his true plans, Deanna quickly came to a halt as she made towards the stairs, her fear re-established at his innocuous words, "Bedroom?! Will, I'm not staying here! Antony is expecting me and this is not a sensible thing for us to do." She cautioned.

Will put down the steak-hammer and came towards her. Deanna found herself backing up against the bottom stair, "It's too late to take you home, Deanna, the track is far too dangerous to negotiate at night, and besides, what are you afraid of...Me?" He asked, his baby-blue eyes widening at the irrationality of her fears.

There it was; the challenge. Deanna thought quickly, her words spilling out even quicker as she bluffed her way out of the tense moment, "Ha ha, don't be absurd, I'm not afraid of you, Will Riker. I know you wouldn't dare lay one finger on me without my say so. And anyway, there will be a lock on the door won't there?"

Will shook his head, his face alight with merriment, "Sorry, sweetheart, haven't gotten around to those yet. And besides, who says I'm going to come in and ravish your body? Lady, right now, nothing could be further from my mind." He turned away from her and headed back towards the steaks that were waiting for his attention.

Deanna turned crimson at her hasty assumption that Will would come to her in the middle of the night. Then she turned crimson even more as she wondered why the hell he wouldn't. She was still attractive. He clearly still loved her, while she, God help her, still loved him. But at that moment it would be a cold day in hell before she would tell him it. She was going to marry Antony Carstair's in precisely five days time regardless of how she felt about William Riker.

She swallowed painfully and dug her mobile phone out of her purse only to find she had no reception. "Can...Can I use your phone? I need to let Antony know." She asked.

Will shook his head again and turned back to seasoning the steaks, "Sorry, no phone. The only thing I have is a radio in case of an emergency. You said yourself that Antony trusts you, so what are you worrying about? You know I'll take good care of you. And besides," he added ominously, "we haven't had our chat yet."

His last word continued on into the prevailing silence; yet the word filled her with dread. She didn't want to drag up the painful past. Nor did she want to talk about her lost child, a child that she had wanted so badly, it had almost destroyed her when it had been so cruelly snatched from her.

She tried to reason with him again; her one, last attempt to reach his better judgement, "But, I don't have time to stay here, Will. I have things to do. I still have to see the florist and the priest. I still have to sort out the final arrangements with the caterer. Then there is the photographer and the holographer..."

Deanna trailed off as the absurdity of her words hit deaf ears. Will had begun pounding the steaks with the mallet effectively blocking her voice out, and her plans. He didn't want to hear about her wedding, or the damn photographer, or the caterer. Damn, he didn't want to hear any of it, and somehow his anger filtered through to her because the next time he looked up she was slowly ascending the stairs.

Tbc...


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

When Deanna descended a short while later, Will was missing. Then she heard the unmistakable sound of hissing and spitting and realised he was outside on the veranda cooking the steaks on the barbecue.

Deanna took a deep breath, opened the fly-door and stepped out onto the veranda. The sun was setting down below the treetops, its red beams lighting up the darkening sky to gently beckon the stars to come out. The time, the moment was perfect, beautiful, ethereal, or would have been if it wasn't for the palpable tension that hovered in the cooling air.

Will's back was rigid as he tended the barbecuing meat. Deanna didn't know whether to face him head on or turn and hide away. In the end she knew that hiding wasn't going to solve anything. One way or another, they were destined to have the upcoming dreaded discussion, if not now, then later. She figured it might as well be now. Get it over with it; done.

Her tumbling thoughts were interrupted by Will's low, melancholy voice, "I'm sorry." Deanna's eyes fell to the hesitant outstretched hand even though he hadn't turned to her. His silent plea and pain tugged at her heart and Deanna knew she couldn't ignore him anymore than she could ignore the consequences if she did.

Taking a few tentative steps towards his position she nervously slipped her hand into his and with a united sigh of acceptance; they were drawn closer than they had ever been before, not only in spirit, but in body too.

As they quietly stood and watched the steaks sizzle something happened between them. They both felt the change, and both welcomed it. It was dream-time; a magical time of just him and her, the moonlight, the memories, the moment. Everything and everyone was forgotten, just for a little while as they wallowed in what could have been.

Dinner was eaten in comfortable silence on the veranda with only the sound of crickets and chickadee's. In the distance a lone owl hooted, its eerie echo carrying on the nights breeze reminding them just how alone they truly were deep within the vast forest.

The meal dragged on, extended by wine they both savoured with relish. It had been a long time since there had been such a time as special as this; two friends reunited after eons apart and simply just enjoying the time for what it was; theirs.

But eventually the magical time began to drift away once they'd eaten and emptied the carafe of delicious and heady wine they started outside and headed back inside to the warmth of the log fire that Will had lit. A quiet lull had ensued while they'd watched the flames dancing in the hearth, but eventually the magic of the flames lost their an inner sigh Deanna pushed herself to the edge of her comfy seat intent on rising and leaving behind the growing unease that was beginning to surround them both like a fog. Little by little as the comforting ambience began to dwindle, so the anxiety between them began to rise.

It was coming and they both knew it; recognised the moment was about to be shattered with memories that had been long buried but never forgotten. Past hurts that had no right to be dredged up to refresh that all consuming pain.

Will captured her small hand as she made to push herself up from the couch's edge. His silent plea of *Stay* had been the first time he'd sent to her, and the first time he'd let his guard down enough for her to see agonies, old and new, radiate through. They made Deanna gasp with their intensity and it was then that she truly realised that, whereas she had been able to move on; live again, Will had not. The counselor in her kicked in even though the woman in her wanted to shy away and not listen or see the man before her crumble, and she knew he would, because he had to. Will had waited five years to do this; five whole years carrying around enough pain to destroy any other man. But Deanna had known the sole reason that had kept Will sane;

It had been her.

Sliding back into the couch's softness, Deanna was surprised when Will entwined his fingers with hers, looked into her eyes and asked her the mother of all questions, "Why are you marrying Antony, Deanna?"

It was a long moment as Deanna looked into Will's eyes as she tried to understand his reasoning for asking about her upcoming marriage to Antony and not their lost baby. But whilst she searched his eyes her mind was searching his soul which only came up with genuine concern and a need to comprehend her desire to marry another man when she clearly did not love him like a fiancée should.

Her trepidation was fleeting, and with strength in her words, Deanna answered him honestly, "Antony has almost everything I want...everything I need, Will."

Every word slipped past Will's senses as he picked up on the only word that meant anything to him. The only word that told him in an instant everything he wanted to know;

Almost.

_Almost. _

Will didn't need her to explain her reason for saying the unusual word, he knew why; he was the reason. He was the reason why she was giving her heart, her body and her love to another man.

But that man could never own her soul for it still belonged to him. It always had and always would and without that everything else was meaningless. Her marriage to Antony would always be a sham; an empty void that only existed because she was alive. Whereas her soul would live on for all eternity, safe and secure within her, and, within him.

Before he could respond to her revelation Deanna beat him to it, "I know what you're thinking Will, and I admit, I'm flattered that I mean that much to you, but I'm afraid it's going to take more than the safe-keeping of my soul to kick-start any relationship with you."

Will held his breath as he posed the next question, even though it was one that didn't need asking, not really, but he had to anyway, "Do you think you could love me again?"

He was startled by her bitter laughter and words, "Oh, Will, I never stopped loving you. But our lives...our problems and our different goals keep us apart. What I want is not what you want. What I want means living here, permanently with a home and a family. To be committed to each other and not going off on some project that keeps us apart. When things go wrong, I want to be supported and loved...and I want to be held when I'm sad. I want the whole package, Will, and you are not the one who can give it to me."

Sadness hung in the air like a massive rain cloud getting ready to pour forth. Her words spun around and around in Will's mind but he couldn't look at her and his eyes settled momentarily on each and everything but her within the vast room. Each object in the room had a memory, and every memory had her slotted into it somehow. And it was with those thoughts when he slowly and sadly answered her, "You're wrong, Deanna, about everything."

The silence that followed ticked by, second by painful second as though a huge grandfather clock had placed itself between the battling couple and just simply waited, ticking, like a time-bomb waiting to explode.

It happened barely a moment later when Will flew from the comfy sofa, his anger sparking as quickly as a match being struck against a flint, his torment not only etched upon his face but his words too as he rounded on her, hovering over her still seated form as she stared up into his contorted face with something akin to terror, "You're wrong, Deanna, I have changed and I do want those things more than ever; more than you'll ever know."

As quickly as his fury had erupted, it simmered again, and as quickly as he'd flown from his seat, he'd sat back down again, this time on the edge of the plush seat facing her. Rougher than he'd intended Will took her cold, trembling fingers within his, forcing her to face him headlong. Forcing her to see the blatant terror, begging, anger, and God help him, the desire as it raged throughout his entire being.

But Deanna didn't need to see them as they all slammed through her senses making her catch her breath with their power, painting a very dynamic image that begged to not be ignored, or denied.

No matter how much Deanna wanted what he was offering, even if it was her every dream come true; the home, the chance of a new family, peace, contentment and best of all, Will to be the one to give it all to her, Deanna was still torn in two. Images of times long past, of Will belonging to no one or nowhere but the stars that he flew through. And then of a baby, wanted by her but not by him, buried alone and waiting for her to join the tiny being some day in the future. Of Will abandoning her in her hour of need; a time when they have should have been there for each other.

But too much pain and too many bad memories surrounded them now and Deanna just could not see how they could get past it all.

And then there was the matter of Antony.

It was Deanna's turn to stand and pace the floor before Will as she attempted to gather her anguished thoughts aware that the highly charged atmosphere needed diffusing before it escalated into something more than they could both handle right then. Time to talk about their relationship would maybe come later, but right then Deanna wanted to get the thing that she had been absconded into the wilds of an Alaskan forest for into the open, and then get it over and done with, no matter how and what it did to them both.

Physically calming herself inside and out somehow Deanna steadied her shaking body and her quivering voice enough to speak to the man that still sat expectedly waiting before her, "You wanted to know about the baby, Will?"

The clock began to tick again until, much to Deanna's surprise, Will quickly stood and began to stride away from her, his hurried words filling the empty space that lengthened out between them as he made his way back outside, "No, I can't talk about that right now, I'm not ready for it, I'm sorry."

Deanna stood staring at the closed door for a long time before moving her taut body away from not only the image of him walking away from her, but of the same image that she remembered from so long ago.

And that was of Will abandoning her once more.

Tbc...


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter six

Deanna didn't have a clue where Will had gone but it had been long enough for her to gather her scattered wits and then her few belongings and slip out of the house quietly. Will had told her that they were only a couple of miles from the nearest village which lay in the opposite direction that they had come.

Deliberately turning about face, Deanna began to walk in that very direction after noticing a feint track that made itself known as soon as she'd stepped in amongst the dense foliage that surrounded Will's home.

Foot by foot as she stomped her way through the heavy undergrowth Deanna silently steamed. *Of all the pig-headed, chauvinistic, arrogant, pathetic creatures that ever walked on the planet, why was it me that had to fall in love with him?*

And as she trudged on so her thoughts got more and more testy, and more vulgar, *Damn you, William Riker, how dare you do this to me. How dare you drag me all the way out here, and then to make my life a walking misery by dragging things up that should be forgotten. Damn you.*

So intent on putting one foot in front of the other whilst avoiding the barbed snares that lie beneath the lush ferns that she pushed out of harms way, along with the words and the visions that her battered mind was trying to deal with, and then failing, Deanna didn't really notice just how deep into the woods she was going. The trail appeared to have all but disappeared without her realising it, which brought on another trickle of profanities that Deanna thought she would never hear herself, let alone a woman say and was perversely glad that only trees would hear her.

On top of that, it had begun to drizzle with rain. Lightly at first, just enough to barely notice, but gradually creating large pools on the overhanging leaves which conveniently and strategically dumped their wet, icy load on Deanna's unsuspecting head, and with each time emitting a howl of protest from her as the freezing cold droplets woke her from her real-life walking nightmare.

Miserable, wet, cold, lost and furious Deanna emitted a howl to the blackness surrounding her, not caring if it were man, animal or alien hearing her, "Damn you, you bastard, William Riker!"

Seconds later she regretted her violent outburst when she suddenly heard a movement in the not too distant undergrowth. Deanna watched petrified to the spot as the low branches swayed and bobbed as the huge, menacing bulk neared her position reminding Deanna just exactly where she was and what was likely to be out there.

Grizzly!

And then Deanna screamed into the invading darkness.

When Will had rubbed down and fed the horses and calmed himself somewhat in the process, he felt ready for the next confrontation with Deanna and headed back towards the house. He kinda liked the thought that she was inside waiting for him and it made his heart race with pleasure, despite the circumstances and the impending talk that was about to happen between them.

This was what he'd wanted all along. This was what he had always wanted; Deanna in his home waiting for him with open arms. Well, he thought wryly to himself, maybe not with open arms, not yet, but definitely one day, soon. The thought made his heart surge with hope and anticipation.

But once Will had stepped back indoors and saw no trace of Deanna he automatically assumed that she had gone to look around his home. It pleased him no end that she was at least taking an interest in the house and everything that it represented, for both of them. But it soon became apparent that Deanna wasn't there, and on looking outside in the fading light at the surrounding ground around his home his heart and stomach sank. He kicked himself for being stupid enough to assume she was still there by making himself comfortable on the cedar porch swing eagerly waiting on the sumptuous salmon meal they were going to have. The half hour or so he'd wasted in the stables meant that Deanna could be half an hour or so deeper into the woods, and with nightfall rapidly approaching with the promise of rain close on its heels.

With a heart-stopping sense of dread Will stood on the veranda and stared into the now pitch black woods that surrounded his home, knowing that the woman he loved was out there, alone in the dark, probably now wet and was fending off not only the elements but the vast variety of wildlife that habited the mountain. He also acknowledged that all she was armed with was her wits and even Will knew that wouldn't keep her alive if she came face to face with the wood's most unwelcome resident; the huge, almost 7 foot grizzly bear that he himself had come face to face with barely a month ago when he'd been out hunting for turkey.

As an overwhelming sense of dread fell over him Will tried to clear his mind from the horrors that spilled through him as he imagined things that he really didn't want to consider and call out with his mind to her, but it was something that he'd not done for a long, long time. He wasn't even sure he could anymore, but as he called her name, *Deanna!* and waited for her to answer, a dark, foreboding terror washed over him when she didn't respond to his heart-felt call.

Deanna, his lost Imzadi, was alone and out there and beyond his immediate reach and it was his all his fault. He'd blown it again. He'd let her down and now she was in serious trouble. As he reached the fly door and swung it open Will heard her blood-curdling scream as it reverberated through the dense trees towards him. But the night swallowed it whole as he tried to locate the direction that it had come from.

Seconds later he was racing indoors to the emergency radio.

Tbc...


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter eight

Lulu swung her head and gave her rider a long baleful look. She was the best horse in Will's stables, but didn't like going out after dark and absolutely hated the rain, a matter that she stubbornly made known as she deliberately went as slow as she dared in the hope that her master would turn back and ditch her for another more willing mount.

Will threw the horse a sympathetic whisper but steadfastly continued to make his way through the woods towards his goal; the Black Horse home and his throat was hoarse from constantly calling Deanna's name. It had been two hours since he'd estimated that Deanna had left his home. Two hours in a dark, wet, wildlife infested forest that had no roads apart from a long since used logging track, and it was this track he now plodded towards the place where he had no doubts that Deanna would be at.

Gary Black Horse was an excellent tracker even though he was barely 17. He'd lived in these woods since he'd been born and knew the area better than anyone he knew, mostly because the young tearaway had spent most of his childhood running away and giving the local law enforcement a few lessons in survival as they had trekked out after him, time, and then time again, only to ever find the boy usually holed up in some cave somewhere with a roaring campfire going and something cooking on a spit roast making them all look incredibly stupid.

But things were different now. Gary had turned out to be a Godsend to his grandmother, a credit to his tribe, and a very good friend to William Riker.

The horse protested again jerking Will back to the present. The track was narrowing, telling Will he needed to turn off. The turn also lightened Will's heart somewhat as he knew that within five more minutes he'd be at the Black Horse's home. But as his heart began pounding at that prospect his mind was festering at what he was going to say to Deanna when he saw her.

He was angry. No, he was livid alongside being scared out of his mind. At present there were four people out scouring the local vicinity looking for Deanna; four lives that were potentially at risk from Lord knew what. Hell, for all he knew she could be lying injured, or dead, or even worse than all of that put together, in the jaws of that hungry grizzly that he'd made his acquaintance with a while back.

Crazy with worry, he dug his heels into the horse's flank urging her on quicker. Lulu snickered her displeasure but picked up her pace, none-the-less.

The sitting area was small and cosy and Gary had wandered off to his bedroom. Deanna could hear the feint hum of music coming from what she assumed to be a radio. Juanita sat in an old rocking chair by the fire, her fingers rapidly moving the needles within them as she worked on a piece of cloth, the colours vibrant and familiar. Most of the handmade articles strewn around the house contained the same colours.

Juanita's voice broke the comfortable lull a moment later, " I figure William will be here shortly, it's only twenty minutes or so on horseback from his place."

Deanna swallowed painfully, a movement not missed by the elderly woman. "Don't worry, my dear. William loves you and will forgive you. Just promise him you'll never do it again, that'll be all he will ask of you."

Deanna studied the older woman intently for a moment wondering just how much she'd known about her and what had happened between herself and Will in the past.

She had her answer when Juanita spoke again intently studying the fabric in her hands looking for a nonexistent mistake, "He loves you, very much."

Deanna found out for herself just how much when ten minutes later Will stood shadowed in the doorway almost filling every inch of it with his massive size and bulk. His body, hidden in a huge rain mac only added to mystery of what his eyes hid beneath a large Stetson which still dripped from the previous rain and what had fallen from the trees above him on his way to her.

But even though she couldn't see his eyes Deanna didn't need to see them to tell her just how angry and worried he was. It seeped from him like a festering volcano and rightly so. It didn't take much to figure out just how much damage she had caused by pulling her little stunt, a stunt that had risked people's lives including her own. Nervously Deanna pushed herself to her feet and prepared to take whatever he was about to hurl at her.

He suddenly stepped into the room and she stepped back and it made him stop short when he realised just how afraid of him she truly was. It made his anger drop away enough for the pain of his relief at finding her safe and okay to rise and engulf him. One more step and he was fiercely dragging her into his arms and holding her as though he was never going to let go of her ever again.

Over and over he murmured against her hair, "Thank God you're okay, Thank God. I don't what I would have done if I'd lost you again."

Silently Juanita slipped from the room leaving them alone. Will was beside himself with relieved grief and Deanna realised that she'd needed this moment to see; to understand what she was doing to him. Maybe her inopportune moment of madness had served them both well; made them see the truth. There was nothing like a test of fear to bring home what is to be, and this couple were meant to be, that much was obvious.

A minute later, a minute that seemed far too short for the precious time that the couple needed to apologise to each other, Gary Black Horse bounded back into the room with his usual youthful grace breaking the touching moment before it had barely begun. "Hey there, Will, I found her for you, man," He chuckled gleefully, "she thought I was a bear!"

Will released the woman in his arms just long enough to grasp Gary's hand in a shake that shook the boy almost off his feet, his gratitude for what he'd done flowing from his words, "I can never repay you for what you've done for me Gary, ever. Thank you, I'll never forget it."

The boy turned crimson, "Hey, no sweat, I'm just glad she's okay, man."

Juanita entered the room as quietly as she'd left again and Will treated her with the same heartfelt gratitude he'd shown Gary by sweeping her into his arms for a bear hug causing the old woman to chuckle, "Thanks for looking after my girl, Juanita, I owe you both big time."

Juanita slapped him of playfully, effectively batting away her embarrassment. "Tsk, t'was nothing, I'd have done it for anyone who'd needed a bowl of my vegetable soup."

Will didn't need to say anymore. Juanita knew how grateful he was to her, and to her grandson and he knew that she'd be happier knowing that things would take a different turn for them both once they'd left her home, which Will proceeded to do a few minutes later. But not before addressing Gary, "Hey Gary, I've put Lulu in your barn. She's good and mad at me for bringing her out of her nice cosy stable. Okay if I borrow your truck until morning?"

Will noticed Deanna's bemused face beside him, "What?"

She didn't even bother to hide the giggle, "Lulu?!"

Will rolled his eyes as the blush rose high on his already ruddy cheeks, "She came with the darned name and flatly refuses to let me call her any other. And besides," he groused, "it kinda suits her."

Deanna knew not to say anymore so instead she turned to her hosts and gave them both a huge hug. She too had a lot to thank the couple for. If it hadn't have been for Gary and Juanita she didn't care to think of what her fate would have been. She shuddered at the images that swept through her mind.

With a chorus of farewells Will and Deanna were pulling away from the Black Horse home and heading for theirs. Heading back to reality, and back to whatever they left behind.

There was still 'the talk' to come and as she sat beside a very sombre Will Deanna wondered if she'd made their situation a whole lot worse. It had been stupid to leave the house, she knew that now, but back then she hadn't been really sure of what she'd been running away from.

As Will glanced over towards her in the dimness of the cab before his eyes jolted back to the headlamp lit muddy track before them as he battled to stay on the slick road, Deanna suddenly knew.

Tbc...


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter nine.

"You mean there _is_ a road out of here?!"

Will nodded placidly until Deanna suddenly swung away from him and began collecting up her still sodden belongings, "Good, that means you can take me home tomorrow."

Will watched her stomp up the stairs as confused now as he'd been when she'd climbed out of Gary's truck and slammed the door, telling him that, in the simmering silence between leaving the Black Horse's home and theirs that Deanna had had a change of heart - again.

Determined, but a little wary of her mood Will followed her up the stairs to her bedroom and stood propped against the door jamb silently watching her drape her damp clothes from various limbed artefacts situated around the room. He watched her grab his pyjama jacket that he'd put out for her earlier and shut herself in the bathroom briefly before she emerged in nothing BUT his pyjama jacket. Trouble was, it was long enough to reach her knees, but even so, she still looked as sexy as hell. But Will didn't think she'd want to know that right now somehow.

Instead he changed tack figuring he'd shy away from whatever her real issue was. "So you liked the nearest neighbours then?" he grinned as he watched her pull her hairbrush out of her purse and begun to tug it through her damp hair.

Deanna stopped what she was doing and for the first time since they'd gotten back she smiled, "Oh yes, they were wonderful to me. I'm glad Gary managed to find me before something dreadful happened."

"Yeah, he's a good kid. Wasn't always, but he is now."

Will noticed the fatigue etched around Deanna's eyes and the fact that she hovered near the bed more than told him she wanted to climb into it and sleep. Pushing his long body away from the door's edge he began to pull the door closed, understanding written in his eyes and his words, "You need some sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

Just before the door connected with its frame, Will smiled when he heard her whisper, "'night, Will. Thank you."

It was a long time before Deanna finally succumbed to her tiredness and spent a while wandering around the room touching and feeling things that had been lovingly carved from wood or created from clay, their presence holding a whole new meaning to Deanna now she knew who had helped create Will's home. Now all she needed was someone to help create some peace for her shattered mind, along with her heavy heart and her tormented soul.

Will listened to Deanna pace around the room above him and he wanted to go to her. More than anything in the world, he wanted to go to her, to hold her, and love her and show her just how much he wanted and needed her. But he'd known enough had been said and done for one day.

Swallowing the last mouthful of bourbon revelling in the fire that burned its way down to his gullet he threw the dregs into the still roaring fire and watched the flames blaze in protest, leaping out at him, creating a glow to his features that showcased his own fatigue and worry as it lit the deep creases and dark shadows upon his handsome face.

He was tired; damned tired and within half an hour of Deanna settling down Will made his way up to his own bedroom. Only he didn't make it there for a while. Deanna slept deeply, unaware that Will stood in her doorway and watched her with tenderness, regret and along with the tears in his eyes for those sparked a little hope in his heart. At long last, she was there, in his home.

Their home.

Deanna woke to the smell of coffee and bacon and her stomach growled in response. Chuckling lightly Deanna made her way into the bathroom and had a quick shower. On returning to her room she soon noticed that all her clothes were missing, including the ones she had draped around the room drying. Opening the bedroom door to yell down to Will for their whereabouts she almost tripped over the pile of neatly folded clothes on the floor. Picking them up, it was soon clear that they had been laundered, all of them.

Amongst the grin that spread across her face was the knowledge that at some point Will had entered her room and removed them. It also came to her knowledge that Will hadn't attempted to waken her, or even slip into bed with her. Deanna wasn't quite sure whether she was pleased about that or disappointed.

Would she have refused him? She wondered.

Never, her heart told her.

Will was busy flipping a pancake on the griddle when she finally made her way down the stairs the lure of breakfast not allowing her to hide away in her bedroom a moment longer.

"Morning, Will." She said cautiously, unsure of the mood she would find him in.

Her cautions flew away as she watched his grin lit up not only his face but hers too, "Hey! Just in time. I was debating whether to come up and waft a cup of coffee right under your nose to wake you. I thought you were never going to stir."

Deanna laughed, "Why, what time is it?"

"Almost noon," He chuckled.

The cup stopped before it reached her lips, and with a worried frown she blurted, "Noon!? I have to go home now, Will, I really do."

Will carefully put down his utensils and turned off the gas before coming towards her as worry stretched across his face, "Please don't, Deanna," he pleaded. "Please give us today to try and work things out between us. And besides, it's Sunday, there is nothing you can do on a Sunday, everything will be closed." He added hopefully.

As they stood face to face with Deanna's will battling against his Deanna knew she'd lost again. One half of her told her she should leave; the other begged her to stay. There really wasn't any other conclusion to her dilemma so she stayed.

And she wanted to.

Decision made.

"Okay. Now, are you going to feed me today, or what?" she smiled.

Will visibly swayed with relief before making a grand show of pulling out the dining chair and waiting until she had sat in it before speaking again, "Breakfast, a la Riker, coming up."

Half an hour later and thoroughly stuffed and more than a little satiated, Deanna slumped back into her chair allowing more room for the sumptuous breakfast to go down. Draining the last drop of her coffee she made to put the cup down only to find Will's fingers reaching to capture hers.

Her eyes flew to his at the intimate movement suddenly sensing the change in atmosphere and the urgency to talk. She not only felt it in his heart and mind but within his fingers too as he held on to hers tightly, their pressure urging her to stay.

It was his next words that filled her with dread, "Let's talk now."

"Will, please..."

"No, Deanna, no more running away. Please."

He was right and Deanna knew it. As Will's eyes beseeched hers she finally relented, "Okay." She whispered.

But he surprised her again when, still clinging to her fingers, he stood up pulling her with him and even then he still didn't relinquish her hand. Will steadily watched her as he came up close, so close that she could smell his spicy shower soap. She couldn't help the erotic wave that weaved its way throughout her body and her and her eyes flickered shut, hiding what he was doing to her even though she knew it was pointless. Will knew, he always knew.

He gently and slowly pulled her flush against his body. It wasn't a sexual move and Deanna sensed that and relaxed against him tilting her head so that she could look up into his eyes. He was scared and she wanted to be the one to dispel that fear and she did so by putting her slender arms around his waist, dropping her head and laying it against his chest; a simple comforting hug; a hug that they both understood and needed at that point.

Deanna felt Will physically relax as his arms snaked around her and his own gratitude emanated through him.

She finally understood.

His simple, quiet, "Thank you," against her hair was threaded with emotion and she bit back the rising sob at hearing it in his voice. The tears were for later, much later.

Eventually unified they broke apart and moved towards the veranda. Will released Deanna's hand long enough to allow her to sit on the gently swaying seat but he took it back once he'd settled, cradling against his waist with both hands. It was as if he was afraid to let her go in case she run again.

Deanna felt and heard him take a deep breath. It was here, the time had come. Will's deep voice finally began.

"I always thought you were the one who left five years ago, Deanna."

Deanna turned her head and watched him intently, "And now?"

Will sighed heavily as he answered, "Physically you left. You walked out on me, but I really didn't give you many other options. It was a case of stay in hell with me, or save yourself. You did the right thing."

Deanna was puzzled, "Then why all this. Why are you still carrying all this pain around with you, Will?"

His response startled her, "Aren't you?"

Her eyes swam with tears at his hurtful words, "Of course, it was my baby too, Will, I loved him..."

She broke off but it was too late to hide the guilty thought that followed, "I know you think I didn't want that baby, Deanna, but I did. It just took me a little time to get used to the idea."

"And that was what was wrong, Will. I loved that baby unconditionally from the moment I realised I was pregnant, and you should have done too. If you had loved me like I loved you, you would have been as thrilled as I was. That baby was created out of our love for each other - or so I thought. You threw that away, Will. You threw everything we felt for each other away just because I'd fallen pregnant. It shouldn't have mattered that we weren't married, or that we were still on board the Enterprise. None of that should have even entered your mind, but it did."

Deanna gave him a moment to digest her revelations even though every one of them had been true, but before he had a chance to put his side across, she started again.

"And then, after all that, after everything, when I needed you most of all; when I had lost our baby, you went away on a mission. You actually put your career before my well-being! It was the end for us, Will, you killed just about everything I felt for you; my love, my trust. Our Imzadi bond felt it had been ripped apart at the seams with no hope of being repaired, and that was by far the worst, even worse than losing my baby. I was losing you. Do you really think we have a future after everything that has happened, Will. Do you?" She asked quietly.

Will stared out unseeing at the land that surrounded his home. Tears ran freely down his face and he didn't care if she saw. The release was enormous along with the terror of knowing that she really had moved on and was ready to start over again - without him.

This was it. This was his one chance to somehow rectify the damage he'd caused, but first he needed to even up the guilt trip, just a little.

He turned towards her, his voice husky with tears. "What about me, Deanna. Did you ever stop and consider me in any of this? It was my baby too and I grieved for a long time after, longer than you can ever imagine. Did you know that I visit his grave regularly?"

Deanna was shocked, so shocked with his revelation that she couldn't answer him.

Will sniffed, wiping his nose on his cuff as the tears continued to cascade down his ruddy cheeks, "No...No I didn't suppose you did. Well I do and I always will. That child was a part of me. He was our creation; our son. Our son, Deanna, and yet you treat me as though I had nothing to do with him. I'm hurting too, Dammit!"

The word echoed around the house until it filtered off leaving just Will's sobs filling the silence. He still clung to her hand using it as a lifeline, keeping him sane and seated when all he really wanted to do was run into the woods and scream his loss at the top of his lungs.

But he carried on, quieter this time, more subdued. "On top of all that, Deanna, I lost you. I lost the woman I loved, and will always love. I lost my best friend, my soul mate, my Imzadi. Then I lost my job and for a while I lost my sanity too. I had to run, just like you did. I had to start all over again, just like you did. Only I didn't give up on us like you gave up on me. I knew that one day when I had healed my mind that I would find you again. I knew that I could never fall in love with another woman, not when I knew you were out there, somewhere."

Deanna reeled from the onslaught of his words and his emotions, but before she could answer, Will carried on. He was fully intent of ridding his heart of 5 years of pain and longing, anger and despair. "Only, when I did finally find you, I found that you had moved on and had left me behind. You're about to marry, then probably have a family and live areasonably happy ever after, while I..." Shaking his head with futility and pain, Will choked on his words but managed to squeeze his true terror out; the real reason he was falling apart before her, "I can't, Deanna. I can't live without you. I don't want to live without you."

Deanna finally broke down and wept along with Will when he told her what his future held without her. Dragging him across and into her arms they both released five years worth of tears; some for their lost baby and a lot more for themselves. The forest soaked up the misery by taking it away and releasing it to the heavens until, at last, there were no more tears to hear.

The couple stayed entwined for a long time, the soothing rocking motion of the seat calming their hearts and soothing their tears, and then it finally healed the chasm that had kept them apart for so long.

Eventually gentle sniffles gave way to silence. A lot had been said, some things that could have caused irreparable damage, but unlike other couples, Will and Deanna had something more to help them through; something that sealed their future, whether they liked it or not;

The Imzadi bond.

It had held them together even though it had been tucked away five years ago but not enough to forget what they were to each other. But then they could never forget because it wouldn't let them. Hope had a way of holding on and it held on so tight that nothing or no one could stand in its way. It had been determined to see the Imzadi couple united, one day, one way or another.

And today the healing had begun.

Tbc...


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter nine.

"You mean there _is_ a road out of here?!"

Will nodded placidly until Deanna suddenly swung away from him and began collecting up her still sodden belongings, "Good, that means you can take me home tomorrow."

Will watched her stomp up the stairs as confused now as he'd been when she'd climbed out of Gary's truck and slammed the door, telling him that, in the simmering silence between leaving the Black Horse's home and theirs that Deanna had had a change of heart - again.

Determined, but a little wary of her mood Will followed her up the stairs to her bedroom and stood propped against the door jamb silently watching her drape her damp clothes from various limbed artefacts situated around the room. He watched her grab his pyjama jacket that he'd put out for her earlier and shut herself in the bathroom briefly before she emerged in nothing BUT his pyjama jacket. Trouble was, it was long enough to reach her knees, but even so, she still looked as sexy as hell. But Will didn't think she'd want to know that right now somehow.

Instead he changed tack figuring he'd shy away from whatever her real issue was. "So you liked the nearest neighbours then?" he grinned as he watched her pull her hairbrush out of her purse and begun to tug it through her damp hair.

Deanna stopped what she was doing and for the first time since they'd gotten back she smiled, "Oh yes, they were wonderful to me. I'm glad Gary managed to find me before something dreadful happened."

"Yeah, he's a good kid. Wasn't always, but he is now."

Will noticed the fatigue etched around Deanna's eyes and the fact that she hovered near the bed more than told him she wanted to climb into it and sleep. Pushing his long body away from the door's edge he began to pull the door closed, understanding written in his eyes and his words, "You need some sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

Just before the door connected with its frame, Will smiled when he heard her whisper, "'night, Will. Thank you."

It was a long time before Deanna finally succumbed to her tiredness and spent a while wandering around the room touching and feeling things that had been lovingly carved from wood or created from clay, their presence holding a whole new meaning to Deanna now she knew who had helped create Will's home. Now all she needed was someone to help create some peace for her shattered mind, along with her heavy heart and her tormented soul.

Will listened to Deanna pace around the room above him and he wanted to go to her. More than anything in the world, he wanted to go to her, to hold her, and love her and show her just how much he wanted and needed her. But he'd known enough had been said and done for one day.

Swallowing the last mouthful of bourbon revelling in the fire that burned its way down to his gullet he threw the dregs into the still roaring fire and watched the flames blaze in protest, leaping out at him, creating a glow to his features that showcased his own fatigue and worry as it lit the deep creases and dark shadows upon his handsome face.

He was tired; damned tired and within half an hour of Deanna settling down Will made his way up to his own bedroom. Only he didn't make it there for a while. Deanna slept deeply, unaware that Will stood in her doorway and watched her with tenderness, regret and along with the tears in his eyes for those sparked a little hope in his heart. At long last, she was there, in his home.

Their home.

Deanna woke to the smell of coffee and bacon and her stomach growled in response. Chuckling lightly Deanna made her way into the bathroom and had a quick shower. On returning to her room she soon noticed that all her clothes were missing, including the ones she had draped around the room drying. Opening the bedroom door to yell down to Will for their whereabouts she almost tripped over the pile of neatly folded clothes on the floor. Picking them up, it was soon clear that they had been laundered, all of them.

Amongst the grin that spread across her face was the knowledge that at some point Will had entered her room and removed them. It also came to her knowledge that Will hadn't attempted to waken her, or even slip into bed with her. Deanna wasn't quite sure whether she was pleased about that or disappointed.

Would she have refused him? She wondered.

Never, her heart told her.

Will was busy flipping a pancake on the griddle when she finally made her way down the stairs the lure of breakfast not allowing her to hide away in her bedroom a moment longer.

"Morning, Will." She said cautiously, unsure of the mood she would find him in.

Her cautions flew away as she watched his grin lit up not only his face but hers too, "Hey! Just in time. I was debating whether to come up and waft a cup of coffee right under your nose to wake you. I thought you were never going to stir."

Deanna laughed, "Why, what time is it?"

"Almost noon," He chuckled.

The cup stopped before it reached her lips, and with a worried frown she blurted, "Noon!? I have to go home now, Will, I really do."

Will carefully put down his utensils and turned off the gas before coming towards her as worry stretched across his face, "Please don't, Deanna," he pleaded. "Please give us today to try and work things out between us. And besides, it's Sunday, there is nothing you can do on a Sunday, everything will be closed." He added hopefully.

As they stood face to face with Deanna's will battling against his Deanna knew she'd lost again. One half of her told her she should leave; the other begged her to stay. There really wasn't any other conclusion to her dilemma so she stayed.

And she wanted to.

Decision made.

"Okay. Now, are you going to feed me today, or what?" she smiled.

Will visibly swayed with relief before making a grand show of pulling out the dining chair and waiting until she had sat in it before speaking again, "Breakfast, a la Riker, coming up."

Half an hour later and thoroughly stuffed and more than a little satiated, Deanna slumped back into her chair allowing more room for the sumptuous breakfast to go down. Draining the last drop of her coffee she made to put the cup down only to find Will's fingers reaching to capture hers.

Her eyes flew to his at the intimate movement suddenly sensing the change in atmosphere and the urgency to talk. She not only felt it in his heart and mind but within his fingers too as he held on to hers tightly, their pressure urging her to stay.

It was his next words that filled her with dread, "Let's talk now."

"Will, please..."

"No, Deanna, no more running away. Please."

He was right and Deanna knew it. As Will's eyes beseeched hers she finally relented, "Okay." She whispered.

But he surprised her again when, still clinging to her fingers, he stood up pulling her with him and even then he still didn't relinquish her hand. Will steadily watched her as he came up close, so close that she could smell his spicy shower soap. She couldn't help the erotic wave that weaved its way throughout her body and her and her eyes flickered shut, hiding what he was doing to her even though she knew it was pointless. Will knew, he always knew.

He gently and slowly pulled her flush against his body. It wasn't a sexual move and Deanna sensed that and relaxed against him tilting her head so that she could look up into his eyes. He was scared and she wanted to be the one to dispel that fear and she did so by putting her slender arms around his waist, dropping her head and laying it against his chest; a simple comforting hug; a hug that they both understood and needed at that point.

Deanna felt Will physically relax as his arms snaked around her and his own gratitude emanated through him.

She finally understood.

His simple, quiet, "Thank you," against her hair was threaded with emotion and she bit back the rising sob at hearing it in his voice. The tears were for later, much later.

Eventually unified they broke apart and moved towards the veranda. Will released Deanna's hand long enough to allow her to sit on the gently swaying seat but he took it back once he'd settled, cradling against his waist with both hands. It was as if he was afraid to let her go in case she run again.

Deanna felt and heard him take a deep breath. It was here, the time had come. Will's deep voice finally began.

"I always thought you were the one who left five years ago, Deanna."

Deanna turned her head and watched him intently, "And now?"

Will sighed heavily as he answered, "Physically you left. You walked out on me, but I really didn't give you many other options. It was a case of stay in hell with me, or save yourself. You did the right thing."

Deanna was puzzled, "Then why all this. Why are you still carrying all this pain around with you, Will?"

His response startled her, "Aren't you?"

Her eyes swam with tears at his hurtful words, "Of course, it was my baby too, Will, I loved him..."

She broke off but it was too late to hide the guilty thought that followed, "I know you think I didn't want that baby, Deanna, but I did. It just took me a little time to get used to the idea."

"And that was what was wrong, Will. I loved that baby unconditionally from the moment I realised I was pregnant, and you should have done too. If you had loved me like I loved you, you would have been as thrilled as I was. That baby was created out of our love for each other - or so I thought. You threw that away, Will. You threw everything we felt for each other away just because I'd fallen pregnant. It shouldn't have mattered that we weren't married, or that we were still on board the Enterprise. None of that should have even entered your mind, but it did."

Deanna gave him a moment to digest her revelations even though every one of them had been true, but before he had a chance to put his side across, she started again.

"And then, after all that, after everything, when I needed you most of all; when I had lost our baby, you went away on a mission. You actually put your career before my well-being! It was the end for us, Will, you killed just about everything I felt for you; my love, my trust. Our Imzadi bond felt it had been ripped apart at the seams with no hope of being repaired, and that was by far the worst, even worse than losing my baby. I was losing you. Do you really think we have a future after everything that has happened, Will. Do you?" She asked quietly.

Will stared out unseeing at the land that surrounded his home. Tears ran freely down his face and he didn't care if she saw. The release was enormous along with the terror of knowing that she really had moved on and was ready to start over again - without him.

This was it. This was his one chance to somehow rectify the damage he'd caused, but first he needed to even up the guilt trip, just a little.

He turned towards her, his voice husky with tears. "What about me, Deanna. Did you ever stop and consider me in any of this? It was my baby too and I grieved for a long time after, longer than you can ever imagine. Did you know that I visit his grave regularly?"

Deanna was shocked, so shocked with his revelation that she couldn't answer him.

Will sniffed, wiping his nose on his cuff as the tears continued to cascade down his ruddy cheeks, "No...No I didn't suppose you did. Well I do and I always will. That child was a part of me. He was our creation; our son. Our son, Deanna, and yet you treat me as though I had nothing to do with him. I'm hurting too, Dammit!"

The word echoed around the house until it filtered off leaving just Will's sobs filling the silence. He still clung to her hand using it as a lifeline, keeping him sane and seated when all he really wanted to do was run into the woods and scream his loss at the top of his lungs.

But he carried on, quieter this time, more subdued. "On top of all that, Deanna, I lost you. I lost the woman I loved, and will always love. I lost my best friend, my soul mate, my Imzadi. Then I lost my job and for a while I lost my sanity too. I had to run, just like you did. I had to start all over again, just like you did. Only I didn't give up on us like you gave up on me. I knew that one day when I had healed my mind that I would find you again. I knew that I could never fall in love with another woman, not when I knew you were out there, somewhere."

Deanna reeled from the onslaught of his words and his emotions, but before she could answer, Will carried on. He was fully intent of ridding his heart of 5 years of pain and longing, anger and despair. "Only, when I did finally find you, I found that you had moved on and had left me behind. You're about to marry, then probably have a family and live areasonably happy ever after, while I..." Shaking his head with futility and pain, Will choked on his words but managed to squeeze his true terror out; the real reason he was falling apart before her, "I can't, Deanna. I can't live without you. I don't want to live without you."

Deanna finally broke down and wept along with Will when he told her what his future held without her. Dragging him across and into her arms they both released five years worth of tears; some for their lost baby and a lot more for themselves. The forest soaked up the misery by taking it away and releasing it to the heavens until, at last, there were no more tears to hear.

The couple stayed entwined for a long time, the soothing rocking motion of the seat calming their hearts and soothing their tears, and then it finally healed the chasm that had kept them apart for so long.

Eventually gentle sniffles gave way to silence. A lot had been said, some things that could have caused irreparable damage, but unlike other couples, Will and Deanna had something more to help them through; something that sealed their future, whether they liked it or not;

The Imzadi bond.

It had held them together even though it had been tucked away five years ago but not enough to forget what they were to each other. But then they could never forget because it wouldn't let them. Hope had a way of holding on and it held on so tight that nothing or no one could stand in its way. It had been determined to see the Imzadi couple united, one day, one way or another.

And today the healing had begun.

Tbc...


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter ten.

"Let's go fishing."

Deanna pulled away from his arms and looked up into his face, a face that still held the evidence of his tears, "Wh...What?"

"I said, let's go fishing. Let's pack up a picnic, hit the bank and catch us some dinner for tonight."

Deanna stared at him as though he'd gone mad. Kissing the tip of her nose Will brushed his hands up and down her arms wiping away a chill that didn't exist, "We need some air and space and time to think about us." He explained. "We also need dinner tonight before I take you into town and we hit the local club. I have a surprise for you."

"You do?"

"I do."

Deanna smiled at his enthusiasm, "Tell me."

Will laughed. It sounded good to laugh again and he did while pulling the woman he loved into his arms still not quite believing that she was here at last with him. "No, otherwise it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?" he teased.

She tickled him. He hated that. She tickled him some more. He captured her hands and kissed her. Deanna stopped long enough for Will to let her go and dive away from her before she snared him again. Her laughter ricocheted around the room, but she ceded, for now.

Half an hour later Deanna was squirming with displeasure as she watched Will manipulate a worm onto the sharp spike of his fishing hook. Then half an hour after that they were both whooping with joy as Will reeled in his first big catch of the day; an enormous trout that would do them both. But by then Deanna had caught the bug and by the end of the afternoon between them they had caught another four.

Hand in hand they headed back to the lodge. Whilst Deanna washed up Will got the barbecue going and gutted the fish. By the time Deanna had returned from her ablutions the fat trout was basted and spitting like a wildcat on the hot coals, and it smelt divine.

This time when Deanna approached Will it was she that slipped her hand into his. Dream-time was back again, only this time there were no demons lurking between them anymore. Only a man; one solitary man.

Deanna thought she had died and gone to heaven when she tasted the succulent fish a short while later. A replicator could never in, a million years, capture the taste that lingered on her tongue until the chilled bottle of Chablis washed it away. She thought dazedly that it even surpassed her favourite chocolate sundae and she would never forget it, ever.

The club was filled to the gills when the couple stepped inside its doors and hour later. The heavy beat of the band upon the make-shift stage thumped out song after song. Every patron sang along and those that didn't sing, danced, whirling around the wooden floor that held a million scuffs from dances before. And no one escaped, including Deanna later on.

They'd spotted the Black Horse's as soon as they'd entered the club. But it was not only Gary and Juanita, but the other members of the Black Horse clan, too. Making their way over to their table, they were greeted as though they were long lost family. And that was, Deanna realised, just what they were, not only to Will, but to her too, now. The realisation rocked Deanna sideways. She could have what she'd always craved, and she could have it with the one man she truly loved, if she wanted it.

Will must have realised her train of thought because in a quiet moment his eyes had met hers across the table and when he had beckoned her into his arms she had gone, willingly.

Once the evening had quieted down some and the music had switched to the old love songs of times long past, things changed. Some people were huddled around their tables chattering away nine to the dozen and catching up on news from the surrounding areas. More were drunk and drowsy and content to just wallow and listen, none wanting to go home. Couples sat cradled within each other's arms and let the lull of the music and the magic of the lyrics wash over them evoking memories that they all cherished one way or another.

Will and Deanna were one of the latter. Deanna sat on Will's lap and her arms around his neck as his circled her waist holding her as close as he dared without causing an uproar. It had been hard having her so close, so tipsy and pliant in his arms and his lap. All he wanted to do was kiss her senseless. Take her home kiss her senseless and make love like they used to, before it all went wrong.

They had been good days. They had been the best and they both still remembered them. It was there, between them, the memories, the longings, sizzling away like a bowl of popcorn waiting to let rip.

But they both knew that there were still something that needed to be dealt with; the solitary man.

It was now or never for Will to play his trump card in the game of winning Deanna Troi. The evening was winding down and Will needed to make his move before it was too late. Suddenly planting a chaste kiss to her lips Will firmly moved Deanna from his lap, groaning as he did so, and walked away from her bemused face.

Stepping onto the stage Will smiled coyly at the crowd that erupted into rapturous applause and caterwauls and whistles as they realised what was to come. Deanna watched fascinated as Will bent and spoke to the band, then reached down behind the stage and brought out a trombone; his trombone.

Lifting his arms indicating that the crowd quieted down, Will approached the mike and cleared his throat.

"Thanks, folks, I'm sure you'll regret that applause when I muck up again big time in a few moments."

The crowd roared with laughter, including Deanna, but when he raised his arm again she fell quiet along with the rest of them and waited.

"Over the years, I've had a lot of time to perfect this song - in private. It's a song that is very special to not only me, but the woman that has waited patiently for the past twenty years for me to get it right. This is for you, Imzadi. Night bird."

The room went deathly silent for an instant until Will began playing. This time there was no red alert to break the spell, or the Captain's voice booming through to break the magical moment. Nor were there just the creatures of the forest to listen and judge his performance. For once in his life, Will had to get it right; he just had to, for Deanna.

It was beautiful. The note that always failed him before passed by and Deanna knew he had finally conquered her most treasured song. Tears streamed down her face as the haunting tune reached down to her very soul, and along with it came her decision.

Will almost faltered when he watched Deanna stand and walk toward the pay phone over to the quietest corner of the room. Surely she wasn't going to ring Carstair's now! Not in the middle of the most romantic moment of his life. Will was gutted.

Everything had changed in the past half hour or so and Deanna knew she could no longer put off talking to her fiancé. Her fingers felt numb as she punched in the code, and holding the antiquated ear piece against her ear she waited for him to answer.

But she was disappointed when the answer phone kicked in and she heard his bland message begin. Clinging onto hope she spoke non-the-less. "Antony, if you're there, pick up, it's me, Deanna."

She breathed a sigh of relief when he picked up and spoke to her in person, "Hey, babe, are you ready to hit civilisation yet? I've missed you."

Deanna's heart thumped painfully, "Have you, Antony. Have you really missed me?"

His cheerful voice grated on her already sensitive nerves, "Sure I've missed you, honey-bunch!" he hesitated. "Oh, hang on, there's another call coming in."

Deanna was incensed when his voice cut off abruptly and she got the monotonous drone of some damn music that Antony's holding line provided. As quickly as he'd gone, he returned, "Sorry about that but its long distance and its business honey. Can I get back to you?"

It was all Deanna needed to hear, "Actually, no, it's not alright, Antony. I wanted to discuss us. I wanted you to shout and holler and demand that I came home. I wanted you to tell me that you loved me, and cared for me. But you've just told me everything I needed to know, Antony. I will not be put on hold in preference for a long distance call! Goodbye, Antony."

It was a miracle that she managed to replace the phone piece without slamming it home because she'd wanted to. By God, she'd wanted to. But she hadn't and that itself answered another of those little nagging doubts that swam around in the back of her mind. She didn't care. She didn't care that Antony didn't love her enough, nor did she care about the plans they had made, or the wedding dress that still hung in her living room back home. But she did care about losing her soon-to-be family for she loved Antony's family very much.

Finally turning around Deanna was stunned to find numerous sets of eyes watching her. Seven sets of eyes as dark as her own watched her intently from across the room along with a solitary pair of intense blue ones that held an enormous amount of fear plus a tiny hint of hope.

She'd found her family, and as the man with the blue eyes approached her, the question in his eyes searched her soul and then her heart. Deanna answered him with both. Her smile was tender and her eyes watery as she slowly walked across the dance floor to meet him halfway, and walking into his outstretched arms, she whispered,

"Take me home, Will."

Tbc...


	11. Chapter 11

Stepping this chapter up to an M, folks. Enjoy ;()

Chapter eleven

"I can't."

If there was ever a time when Will wished he didn't live in the middle of nowhere without a road, it was right then. The way Deanna was looking up at him, with her eyes so huge and damp with her barely contained tears tore through him. Expectancy and desire throbbed around them both and he couldn't do a darned thing about either of them, for either of them.

Will repeated his devastating revelation again as he moaned with frustration and pulling her into his arms as he did so, "I can't, baby."

Deanna breathed out her disappointed, her eyes closing as she drank in his pain. Sliding her arms around his waist and resting her head against his broad chest, she groaned, "I'm sorry."

Surprised, Will chuckled, kissing the top of her curls, "You're sorry! For what?"

Deanna pulled back a little to look up into his handsome features, "I'm sorry for assuming you'd be okay with taking our relationship further. I should have realised that you probably aren't ready to become more intimate. So, I'm sorry for being insensitive."

Will was stunned briefly into silence as her words sent a surge of something that he'd not felt for a long time. Dropping one arm Will not so gently cupped one soft cheek of her tiny derriere and pulled her even closer, so close that Deanna couldn't mistake any of his intentions towards her.

As she raised her surprised face up to his smiling one Will seized the moment, threw caution to the wind, wound his free hand into the soft tangle of her hair and forced her head to turn. Deanna couldn't, nor did she want to stop Will as his lips captured hers in a heart-stopping kiss that left her trembling so violently Will had to support her sudden jellified limbs.

Her own arms lifted to circle his neck, to not only to hang on for dear life but also to deepen the intimate onslaught upon her mouth, welcoming its power, and welcoming the love that he poured into her soul filling it back up to capacity after being empty for so long.

Will struggled and failed not to choke with emotion as he kissed the woman in his arms as though he was offering her his last breath. It had been so long, so, so long since that he had felt so at peace, and whole. Oh God, she was back in his arms again and he could scarcely believe it. On and on he plundered her unresisting mouth too scared to break away and miss another second of heaven.

But sensibility had a habit of rearing its ugly head and Will slowly came back down to Earth with a bump long enough to remember where they were and that there was probably a crowd watching them.

Unable to sever himself from her completely and imprisoning her face within his large, splayed hands Will continued to rain tiny kisses over Deanna's face, unsure of who's salty tears he was tasting, Deanna's or his own, until at last they were simply holding each other once more, letting their heartbeats and desire-saturated emotions sober up enough to pull apart.

Swallowing convulsively Will lifted his head from the sanctuary of Deanna's hair and looked about the room. Unsurprisingly everyone had moved away. Some had gone, some had retreated back to their seats and were contentedly listening and losing themselves to the ballad being played, the song somehow fitting the situation and the romantic mood that floated around the club.

Taking Deanna's hand Will gently steered Deanna to a quiet part of the club, its previous residents long gone. Sitting himself down Will eased Deanna down onto his lap and she automatically snuggled in close, laying her head upon his shoulder.

He felt the whisper of her breath against his throat and pondered on where they went from there. Past visits to the club usually ended with Will in a drunken stupor and the club's owner throwing an old horse blanket over him and letting him sleep the night away wherever he happened to lay.

But tonight Will was stone cold sober and desperate to get the woman in his arms home and into his bed. Will silently cursed his road - or the lack of it. It was far too dangerous to negotiate the track in the dead of night. As much as he loved the fact that the local natives had resisted moving on into the future there were times when Will could have killed for a transporter, or even a shuttle pad which the other thing on Will's agenda, and another reason for grovelling to Carstair.

He inwardly groaned, alerting Deanna of his discomfort, "What's wrong, Imzadi?"

He shamefacedly looked away from her, his unhappiness seeping from every pore, "I wish I hadn't brought you here tonight."

Taking his bearded chin within her hands Deanna brought his face back to hers. Will could see nothing but love in the inky depths and understanding in her heart, "I'm glad we came here, Will. I'm glad. It won't be long before daylight comes and then we can go."

Lifting her hand to his mouth Will growled against her palm setting off an ache so deep inside her that she shifted uncomfortably showing him just what he was doing to her. But he was in agony as well and he too shifted her body, moving it against his own obvious plight, "I want to make love to you, Deanna, and I don't think I can wait until dawn."

Deanna chuckled seductively as she nuzzled against his ear making his blood roar with hunger, "Nor can I. Let's go for a walk."

They didn't walk very far.

Stepping out into the sleepy community the small town bore the signs of desolation. Street lights were muted, curtains were drawn, people were in bed asleep, and even the dogs were quiet.

There was no one to hear the couple sneaking into the alley hand in hand, and no one to hear the sounds of rapture that soon rose from the darkness. Nor was there anyone to see love being reborn.

With feet crunching on the sandy ground the couple disappeared into the shadows. Suddenly Will swung Deanna around, swiftly putting her soft body against the cold timber wall with the muted sounds of music seeping through its seams and the beat dancing in time to the throb of desire emanating from the heated forms as their hips fused rapidly followed by lips.

Deanna offered no protest and her whimper of submission was quickly swallowed by Will's mouth as he hungrily recaptured hers forcing it wide open with his hot, plunging tongue. She let him in willingly and absorbed his groan along with her own.

Fingers fumbled with buttons and hands swept over every heated piece of flesh exposed to the cooling air. Urgent, desperate touches accompanied sighs and whispered words of yearning. Scorching kisses, burning hot, set their souls on fire with their intensity. Loins, starved of contact for five long years searched one another out, frantic with the need of release from being imprisoned for so long.

Sliding a trembling hand inside her clothing Will found what he'd been searching for his whole life; Red hot. Deanna was ablaze with desire for him. It was there, in his hands, in her eyes, and in her heart. Will found her tiny aroused bud, instinct guiding him, knowing that that was what she'd ached for all this time; his touch. They both moaned as the intimate contact set off a cascade of feelings that left them both weak with longing.

But Deanna wanted more. She surprised him by suddenly pivoting on the spot, putting one hand upon the rough wall and the other guiding his hand back to its previous position. She shifted her feet apart, waiting, and Will needed no further invitation.

Oh, God, liquid heat. Her desire seeped wantonly against his palm and Will stroked her until she was whimpering for mercy, and more, into the moonlight. His other hand found its way to her exposed breast, the nights chill engorging the dusky nipple as he twisted it roughly between his finger and thumb until she could no longer stand the torment, grabbing his hand she helped him knead the swollen mound moving it in unison against the invasion of her sex-infused body.

But Will couldn't take anymore. Unzipping his own pants he set free his own aching pulsing desire allowing it to create its own homage against her still clad backside. But Will was holding back, Deanna could sense it. But it wasn't what she wanted and she was as desperate as he to take it to the next logical step and she wasn't going to let him go on a guilt trip, not now.

The devil invaded her being and she became a creature possessed, and a creature that was going to stop at nothing to claim her mate. Will was surprised when Deanna stood tall against him again and her hands moved to her hips. He was even more stunned when she brazenly started to push down her own clothes.

Will's voice was husky and tortured against her ear as his large hands suddenly stopped hers, "No, sweetheart, you deserve more than this. It's been too long for me and I wouldn't last a second."

Large determined eyes met his as she looked up over her shoulder at him, but even in the darkness Will could see that they were infused with a passion that was not going to be denied. Forcibly removing his hands from her hips and up to her waist, Deanna shoved down her panties in one swift movement and her voice became hard, urgent and begging as she leant over, the wall becoming her support once more,

"It's been a long time for me too, Imzadi. Do it."

He moaned up at the stars and then gave up the fight as he grabbed hold of her tiny waist and embedded himself into her. Both couldn't stop the seemingly over-loud grunt that slipped from their lips its intensity echoing throughout the alley from the couple now intimately locked at the hip, their shadows imprinted into the darkness for an eternity.

But once Will hit home he didn't move. Holding her tight against him he could feel her inner heat pulsating around his own arousal. This was not how he wanted it to be on their first night, but God help him; he'd needed her so badly. Will had dreamed of this night, this moment, but now that it was here, he suddenly couldn't do it. He couldn't make love to the woman that he had wanted and had worshipped for so long.

Deanna held still for dear life even though she wanted to nothing more than to gyrate against the man loving her, but she could feel his inner battle and she realised that it was another hurdle that Will had needed to climb over to move on. But God, she'd needed him inside her. She'd needed to feel that connection, a connection that had been missing from her life for five, whole years.

Deanna knew that it was up to her now to free Will from his ghosts. Licking her dry lips she whispered into the darkness, her last chance to break through and let Will see past the past, "Make love to me, Will, like you once did, please."

But instead of him beginning to move Deanna found herself being pulled upright as Will slipped from her depths. He pulled her still highly aroused body tight against his and wrapped his arms completely around her, the heavy throb of their ardour pounding between them.

Slowly turning her around within his arms Will gently lifted her chin and gave her the most tender of kisses, his apology heavy in his moonlit blue eyes, "I'm so sorry, Deanna. I haven't made love to a woman since we...since we..." But he couldn't say it, he wouldn't conjure up the last time they had made love, it still hurt too much and it was still too raw.

Deanna looked tenderly into his unforgettable face wanting him to see her, wanting him to believe her own confession, "It has been that long for me too, Will."

Unspoken questions filled the silence as hope surged through Will's veins, "You and Carstair's have never...?"

Pulling up her lower clothes to cover her nudity Deanna shook her head and a sad smile flitted across her features, "No. It wasn't a part of our relationship. I thought I was being loyal to Antony and the opportunity never really arose. It took a while to realise that I wasn't able to, nor did I want to. I assumed that once Antony and I were married that it would happen then." Deanna looked away as sadness invaded her soul, "But I don't think it ever would have."

"I'm sorry." Will whispered.

Deanna looked back into Will's face as puzzlement etched across her own, "Why?" she asked.

Will's shrug was troubled, "For leaving you in limbo. I knew that I was not likely to have another relationship as intense as ours had been, but you clearly wanted to and that was unfair of me."

Deanna gasped, "No! No, Will. Of all people I should have known that there could never be another like you. I stupidly thought that moving away from Betazed and settling here would somehow free me from my Betazoid heritage and its traditions. I should have realised the bond would keep us linked. I tried to ignore it for so long but in the end, as soon as I saw you again, I knew I couldn't ignore my destiny.

Stepping away from Will with her head hung low, Will barely heard her murmur, "I'm the one who should be ashamed of myself, Will. I'm the one who has not been faithful to our bond."

Deanna started to walk away from Will, but Will grabbed her arm swinging her back around to him. He was furious, "Hey! Imzadi! Don't do this to us, not now! Not after everything we've been through! I love you, God damn it!"

Deanna shook her arm free of his hold, but it was too late as Will watched the woman before him put up a wall so high between them that it might just as well have been that same fateful night so long ago. Her next words cut him to the core,

"I'm sorry Will, but I don't deserve your loyalty, or your love. I've let you down. I've ignored our Imzadi bond and I'm not worthy of anything you are offering me."

Shocked and dismayed, Will watched her walk away from him. What the hell had just happened!? Within ten minutes he'd gone from been ecstatic with joy to feeling like he was swimming in the bowels of hell. What had gone wrong?

Then it smacked Will beside the head. Guilt! Deanna was beside herself with guilt. She was feeling guilty for being unfaithful to her fiancé, guilty for still having an attraction for him, guilty for not being true to her heritage and their bond, and guilty for treating him as though nothing was wrong between them. And now on top of that, she felt guilt and embarrassment for seducing him.

Will cursed into the darkness before finally moving his feet to go after her. Searching up and down the dusky street Will quickly deduced that she'd gone back into the club. Swinging open the door Will slowly went back inside. He spotted her as soon as he'd entered as she was sitting between Juanita and Gary.

All eyes turned to him, but his eyes were still fixed on Deanna. She was scared and humiliated. He could tell that by the way her eyes wouldn't quite meet his and by the way that Juanita was looking at him.

It was there; Guilt.

"Damn!" The word slipped unwittingly from his lips and Deanna recoiled with alarm. Will was livid, and he had every right to be. What had come over her!? She had behaved like a whore and a whore to the man that she was supposed to love, a man that had spent a lifetime looking for her; a man who had given up everything; his life, and his career just to look for her and build a future for them.

A man that was still so fragile that he cried like a baby at the mere hint of being without her, and in one mad moment of wanton desire she was bowing down to him like a professional hooker. She'd wanted him to make love to her so badly she'd ignored just about everything else. Of course Will wasn't able to perform - even if he'd had made a superb effort. Deanna moaned inwardly at the memory. How could she ever face him again?

"Damn!" Will spun on his heels and stormed out of the club. What the hell was he supposed to do now? He couldn't go home and he couldn't go back into the club. He only had one option left; the jeep.

He sighed disgustedly as he climbed inside. It was going to be a long night.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter twelve

His angry pounding shattered the silence of the still sleeping community surrounding the club but Will didn't care. Scrunched up tight inside his cab all night he was cold, lonely and miserable. Will had watched each slow hour pass by, and with every passing hour Will's festering mood escalated until, at last, the blackness of night began to lift and the first glimmer of dawn begun to show itself above the treetops.

Uncurling his long body from the cramped confines of his jeep and groaning in agony at the unaccustomed restrictions of his joints, Will almost fell out of his door as he stepped out onto the rough tarmac. Shuddering against the morning's chill he took a long leisurely moment to stretch and work out all the kinks, but even that piece of relief didn't simmer the bubbling storm within his mind.

Walking over to the club house, his footsteps resounding in the quietness, he made his way to the front door. Will stared long and hard at the heavy hunk of wood before him as if it was stopping him from strangling the woman inside, and the same door that had stopped him from barging his way in and dragging that same woman off by her beautiful long neck last night.

He rapped the door hard with his knuckles, evoking a pain that he perversely welcomed and allowed it soak up some of the anger still boiling inside him. "Open up, Grey Owl, I know you're in there, you drunken son of a mother..."

It was a far as he got with his insult. Mid thump the door swung open leaving Will staring in startled surprise at the landlord, who was looking even worse than he did; hair standing on end, stubble that was so long that it showed his true age, and worse than that, he stank to high heaven of beer and stale tobacco.

Will recoiled in disgust as Grey Owl stuck his head through the door, breathing the breath of a drunken bear into Will's face, "Whaddaya want, Riker, besides a punch in the mouth?"

One second later Grey Owl found himself on his ass as Will, non-too-gently, pushed the man aside and stepped into the gloomy room. The club still held a haze of cigarette smoke and the air reeked with the stench of beer and bodies and Will had to take a deep breath to stop the bile from rising.

Even in the dimness of the now dingy club Will spotted Deanna, her shadowy shapely form clearly outlined by the haze in the room. Other temporary residents of the club began to stir, the commotion of Will's entrance filtering through their drunken stupor, but neither Will nor Deanna took any notice of the figures that loomed in the fog around her as they all began to rally around to support her, kind of reminding Will of zombies gathering for a foray.

It took Will a moment to comprehend what was happening before his very eyes. These people were supposed to be _his_ friends. They were supposed to be rallying around him giving _him_ support, and not a woman who they'd barely met.

But then he realised just what he must have looked like right then. He had barged his way in spitting fire and brimstone so he knew he must have looked a fright. He could only imagine what his hair was doing as it didn't behave itself at the best of times, but a night of him ramming his fingers through it in frustration would have created the perfect scarecrow look.

Running shaky fingers through it Will tried to flatten his hair along with trying to quash his intense irritation at being treated like the bad guy when all he wanted to do was pull the darned woman into his arms and say he was sorry.

And he was, he realised, more than she'd ever know. His eyes softened with sorrow and understanding knowing his friends had every right to protect Deanna, and eventually, even they managed to see his penitence as they began to step back away from Deanna just far enough to allow him, and her, the choice whether to take a step towards each other, if they wanted to.

The air was alive with tension, the silence deafening until Will spoke just two words; two words that heralded the start of another day and another excuse to be with the woman he loved, come what may. Swallowing noisily, Will put his heart on his sleeve and whispered,

"It's dawn."

Deanna stepped out of the shadows with fear in her heart. Not because of what Will was going to do or say to her, but because of the impending conversation they had to have. Talking about their baby had been bad enough. Talking about _them_ had been excruciating enough too, but now she was going to have to talk about herself and that scared her most of all.

And Will knew it.

All night long he had gone over and over her strange words in the alley. Nothing seemed logical. If anyone should have felt guilty it should have been him. He was the one who let her down about the baby, and he was the one who had run out on her.

He had been the one that was unfaithful to their Imzadi bond, although it was not with another woman. He had been unfaithful to them; himself and Deanna. It wasn't her fault, it was his and he had to make her see, he just had to. Will was in danger of losing his Imzadi again and he was going to do everything in his power to not let it happen.

But he had to get her home first, somehow.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter thirteen

"I...I can't go. Antony will be here any minute to pick me up. I...I rang him a little while ago."

Time stood still and silent as Will swallowed her words with disbelief. Now he understood why his friends herded around Deanna. They knew. They damn knew that Deanna had rang her fiancé to come and get her, and they also knew how he was going to react when she told him.

Will stood still for a long time as his head raced around the fact that the woman he loved was running out on him again without explaining her weird behaviour the night before. What the devil was she trying to achieve? To make him mad!? To make him jealous!? To make him understand that she wasn't going to succumb to his dreams as easily as he thought?

As his mind churned over and over every possible reason Will watched Deanna visibly squirm on the spot as his eyes bored right into her very soul as they searched for an answer. Searching for a way into her heart and managing to stay there long enough to show her that there couldn't possibly be any other conclusion.

Will and Deanna were made to be together. They had love on their side, a past, a life and an Imzadi bond and somehow Will had to find a way to get through that invisible wall Deanna had surrounded herself with to see that he wasn't going to give up on her.

Will crossed his arms and relaxed his posture some as the answer finally came to him. So Carstair's was coming after her. A feint smug smile settled across his handsome features and Deanna glanced worriedly at Juanita as an intense feeling of dread began to invade her body. Will watched Juanita shrug and Deanna swallow painfully after and at last the ball was back in his court.

Deanna tried to reach into Will's mind but was unsurprised when she found she couldn't get in. He had effectively blocked her out and she had no idea what he had up his sleeve. But she was confident in her knowledge that he did have something up there and it involved her fiancé. And then with cold clarity that she knew what he was up to. Suddenly it occurred to her that Will was going to challenge Antony to a fight and she was mortified that he would do that to her, or to Antony.. Will was at least six inches taller than Antony and probably 25 pounds heavier. He would annihilate him!

She had to stop him somehow and she knew of only one way. Deanna had to reach his compassionate side, only when she approached him she hadn't known he'd left it at home along with the horses and without a shadow of a doubt, when the chips were down Will was ready to fight for what was rightfully his. Deanna was his woman and no man was ever going to stand between him and the woman he loved again.

Will's eyes never left Deanna as she slowly approached him from across the small dance floor. He didn't know if the sultry sway of her hips was intentional or if it was sheer fatigue that made her drag her feet. Either way he watched her head towards him with fascination. The hazy lighting shone through the thin material of her skirt, not only outlining her slender legs, but what lay at their apex.

Will's loins instantly reacted and he seriously began to wonder if he was going to pull off the stunt that he had in mind. He sure as hell hoped so because it was his last chance of proving that Deanna and he could make it together, with or without ghosts between them.

Will saw through Deanna's charade as soon as she'd reached him, but even so, he still couldn't help losing himself in her huge obsidian eyes as she looked up at him as her hands come to rest lightly on his forearms.

One movement, that's all it needed to pull her against him and take what she was so apparently and innocently offering, but the time for seduction was over - for now. Now was the time for tactical manoeuvres and he was very good at those.

Deanna's husky voice held a hint of fear amongst the misplaced excitement, and just then Will belatedly realised she was enjoying having two men fight over her, "You aren't going to do anything...stupid, are you, Will?"

Will's eyes hardened causing Deanna to take a step back away from him in their intensity, "I don't think fighting for my woman is stupid, Deanna," he growled menacingly. "I'm not letting you go without a fight, I've waited too long for you and when Carstair's gets here he's going to have to prove that he loves you more than I do, because, Imzadi, that is the only way he is going to get you away from me now."

Deanna stared at him open-mouthed, stunned into temporary silence at the nerve of his words until finally, indignation soared through her, "I am _not_ a prize for you to win, Will! I am a human being with feelings and emotions, and I have a life of my own, and a mind of my own, too."

Will hated doing it; he hated what he was doing to her, but hell, she was making him behave like a boorish bully. Stepping out of arms reach Will turned and headed for the door, but not before leaving her with something to think about, "You want a fight, Deanna, you've got one. _You_ may have given up on me again but I haven't. I'm going to prove to you once and for all that we belong together." The slamming of the heavy door made her and every other occupant of the club jump. Maybe, she figured, it would have been wise to have kept her mouth shut. No way in hell was Will going to let her go again, not without proving something to them both.

Deanna stared at the closed door for a long time allowing his words drift around and around her making her sway with so many different sensations and she didn't know whether to laugh, cry, scream, stamp her foot, or throw something.

She jumped when she felt a soft hand upon her shoulder and Juanita's soothing voice calming her, bringing reality back into focus. "Why do you continue to fight it, Deanna?"

Deanna dropped her head, sighing heavily with misery, fatigue, worry and a little resignation, "Because it's our future we're fighting for, Juanita. But our future begins in our past, and it's our past that we can't forget."

"Do you love him?"

Her eyes welled with tears just thinking about a life without Will and her voice was filled with longing and sadness as she spoke only the truth, "Oh, yes, yes, with all my heart."

She felt Juanita's fingers squeeze her shoulder with tenderness and heard the relief in her words, "Good, then the fight is already over, but maybe the two men meeting will show you were your future lies. It's time to let your heart guide you, Deanna, not your fears, and I know you are afraid, of many things. But so is the man outside. But that man is trying to let go of those fears, it's time you did too."

Tears ran freely down her face when she turned into the old woman's welcoming embrace, her words muffled against her plump shoulder, "Oh, God, I want to, Juanita, I really want to. Help me."

They both stiffened as they heard the approach of a shuttle outside, its engine deafeningly loud against the quietness of the early morn. Deanna went stiff in the woman's arms and tried to pull away, preparing herself for whatever lay ahead.

But she was surprised when Juanita held her back, her quiet, determined voice breaking the silence, "No, this part of the fight is not yours. Your time will come in a little while."

Deanna was beside herself with worry, "But what if Will hit him? Antony wouldn't stand a chance."

Juanita Black Horse held Deanna's cold fingers within her own and forced Deanna to look at her face on, "He will not use his hands to fight your fiancé. Will is going to fight him with his heart, and that is a much, much stronger might."

Suddenly Deanna's legs couldn't hold her up any longer and she sunk into the nearest chair as dread poured from every fibre of her being. What had she done? What was she doing? Why was she doing it? She didn't need things to go this far, she really didn't. It was futile.

And it was as plain as the nose on her face that Will loved her as much as she loved him, but even so, she still felt she owed something to Antony, even if it was just an apology for not being true to her own heart, especially when it belonged to another, and it always had.

But it was too late now. She heard the shuttle door close and she followed the heavy footsteps with her ears as they made their way towards the club, only to halt close to the entrance as though something had made him stop. Deanna couldn't bare it any longer and raising her hands, she covered her ears, put up her mental shield, closed her eyes and shut out what she was sure was about to happen out in the street.

Tbc,,,


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter fourteen

Antony Carstair took long slow strides towards the club house. He had been shocked to say the least at receiving Deanna's call in the dead of night for him to come and get his her from this one-horse town, but he could not refuse the desperate and desolate plea in her voice.

So here he was with dawn only just breaking through and the night's dewdrops giving every surface a crystalline glisten. In another time and another place he might have thought it beautiful, but not today. Not this morning. Even though Deanna had needed him he had an eerie feeling in his gut that she wouldn't be going home with him and he wondered why he was even bothering. But it was too late now. He was there and he wanted to know what he was up against.

Antony couldn't fail to miss the town's sole waking occupant propped against the railing outside the club. Despite his casual posture; the legs crossed at the ankle, the arms folded and the hat on his head pulled low half obscuring his eyes, Antony could see he was as highly strung as a coiled spring as the man purely oozed tension.

Was this the guy that Deanna insisted she needed to talk to, and was this the guy that she'd had an intense fling with when she'd been nothing more than a kid? And then another question threw itself into the mix. Was this man the father of her lost child?

Antony's head was telling him no, it couldn't possibly be, but his gut was telling him different. Even though the guy was dressed in the normal way for this kind of place he still didn't quite fit the bill. He clearly wasn't a native as his skin wasn't dark enough. But there was a power surrounding him, and it was this power that drew Carstair's towards the man.

Will watched Carstair's approach somewhat cautiously. He'd deliberately pulled his hat low, wanting to get him as close as possible before revealing his identity to him and he took the opportunity to study him, really study him.

He wasn't a bad looking man but he smacked of wealth and oozed spoilt brat. He was clearly used to getting his own way, only he got it with money. Will knew he had the advantage. Everything he'd wanted in his life, he'd earned with blood, sweat, tears and persistence.

When Carstair's had gotten close enough Will lifted his hand and shoved the brim of his hat back finally revealing his eyes. He was gratified to see Carstair's immediately grind to a halt as recognition and suspicion flared upon his features.

"Riker."

Will pushed himself slowly to a stand, acknowledging his rival with a curt nod of his own. "Carstair."

There was a heavy silence as Antony stood and briefly pondered the many reasons why Will would be where he was. Whichever it was, it was obviously to do with Deanna. Shoving his hands deep into his pockets Carstair's briefly nodded his head towards the club's entrance, "Is Deanna in there?"

Will only nodded, his own eyes glancing at the door too hoping that she wouldn't make her grand exit just yet. He had things to say to him. Things he didn't want her to witness. Will took a few steps towards him, his own footsteps crunching noisily on the ground. He too pushed his hands into his pockets trying his hardest to appear relaxed, but inside, he was trembling with anxiety.

Here goes. "Has Deanna ever told you about me, Carstair?" Will asked quietly.

Antony nodded, shifting his feet, ready for the obvious confrontation, "She's told me, although I never knew your name. Why?"

Will's eyes hardened, "Did she tell you about the bond we have between us?"

Carstair's grinned, "She told me you two were close, but I guess when you're in a relationship it's the natural way to become. I consider that Deanna and I have a special bond. After all, she is going to be my wife."

Will was growing to hate that word and it showed. Pushing himself to his full height Will advanced closer to the man, gratified that he had to look up at him/ But even so, Will had to give him credit that he still stood his ground. But then Carstair's didn't really have an inkling what was happening, or about to happen.

"If I prove to you that Deanna is in love with me, an always has been, and always will be, I might add, will you give her freedom?"

It took all of Will's might to not react when Carstair's laughed up into his face, "You have got to be kidding me, Riker! I have absolutely no doubts that Deanna loves me, and she will marry me this coming Saturday, of that I'm certain."

Will pinned the man with a look that needed no argument, his tone anything but jovial."If I prove to you that she loves me, will you let her go?"

Will had to refrain from punching him when once more he laughed up into his face, his cocky confidence grating on Will's already frayed nerves, "Hell, yes!" he crowed. "But I know my girl, and I know that she'll stick with me. Y'see Riker, I know about you, and I know what harm you did to her, so she would '_never_' go back to you, and she does _not_ love you."

The two men stood face to face, the air electric with tension between them. One brash and sure, the other filled with hope and love. He'd thrown down the gauntlet and just hoped he knew her better than she knew herself. God help him if Deanna chose Carstair.

As quick as the stand-off started Will ended it when he suddenly moved towards the club entrance, his eyes never leaving Carstair's face, daring him to move, but just in case he did, he snarled, "Stay put." Carstair's could do nothing but wait as Will disappeared inside, returning barely a moment later pulling a resisting Deanna out by her hand.

The instant he hit the street again Will let Deanna go. He wasn't surprised when she made her way to Carstair's side and they clung to one another waiting for whatever Will had got planned. But her little show of bravado didn't bother Will in the slightest, nor did the amount of fear that poured from her. He had to do this even though it was going to kill him to watch.

Will came back to stand before the clearly confused couple who both stood silent and scared, waiting for whatever Will was going to do to them. Will faintly acknowledged movement and noise behind him and knew that Juanita, Gary and the rest of the club's patron's were watching and waiting with interest from the sidelines.

It was now or never and with his voice low and threatening, Will took a deep breath and growled out his demand,

"Kiss her."

Will watched as they both turned to stare at each other. Confusion and indignation was written all over Carstair's face, but Deanna's was a different story. She knew what Will was up to now and it scared the hell out of her. If there was one thing that was going to give away her true feelings for Will, it was this.

Once the shock wore off, Carstair's began to splutter, "I will not! Just who do you think you are, Mr. Riker?! I'll have you know that I will not put up with your crap or your insults..."

"I SAID, KISS HER, GODDAMMIT!" Will roared.

The command burst from Will's lungs with all the force of a man that had all but lost his patience and his sanity. Its ferocity was so fierce that everything and everyone jumped to a shocked standstill.

The man before him could only stare at the blazing blue eyes trying his hardest to determine whether to put up a fight or give in. It was only Deanna's violent tugging at his jacket that broke the spell and Carstair turned his bewildered and worried eyes towards her.

As her own eyes looked desperately into his Antony could only see the woman he loved. The woman he was going to marry. She was also the woman that he'd only ever shared a chaste kiss with before and he wondered if he could deliver a kiss that would shut Riker up for good.

Antony felt his loins tighten with the thought even though they had an audience watching the drama from just a polite distance away. He had never done anything like this in public, or indeed anything so intimately with Deanna before, and it was only now that he dimly wondered why not as all they had ever shared was a good night kiss. Deanna had never invited him to stay over, or to even to go further than a kiss, but being a gentleman, he hadn't wanted to push her knowing that she had her own ghosts to deal with and would probably thaw once they'd married.

But the biggest ghost of all was standing barely a meter away watching and waiting for them to show the world, it's mother, and him that they really had what it took to make them a united couple. A couple that loved each other enough to put an end to his questions, and their own.

Tbc...


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter fifteen

Deanna's eyes beseeched Antony's to show Will that there was something special between them; something more than sex. Sex that neither one them had shared with each other. Their kisses had never scorched a path to her toes, nor had any kisses that they had shared been done in public, and they were both as scared as hell at what they were about to do, and at what Will was going to see.

Deanna's eyes dropped to Antony's lips and she subconsciously licked her own, waiting for him to move. Almost in slow motion, Antony's mouth touched hers and she was relieved that at least he had gotten that far. But would he go any further? Would his blood begin to heat up and take the kiss to the depth that she needed it to go?

She got her answer when Antony lowered his hands and pulled her closer to him and she finally felt his tongue trying to invade her mouth. Deanna, against her better judgement, let him in and let him get swept away on the tide of emotion that surged through his body, the evidence of his own desire pressing into her stomach.

Antony twisted and turned his head each time devouring Deanna's mouth, feeling himself getting drunk on his own body's final awakening. He felt Deanna's arms slip around his waist as she too clung to him matching his tongue's thrusts with her own as he continued to show the man he knew was standing only a couple of feet away that he did indeed have a claim on the woman in his arms. But it was hopeless. Despite Deanna seeming to put everything she had into the kiss, even Antony could feel that it was a monumental effort on her part to be the sexy siren that he undoubtedly knew that she was, but probably only with the guy watching close by. And if he admitted it to himself, he'd had more earth-shattering moments with other women.

Riker knew what he'd was doing when he'd ordered the challenge and even though right at this minute Antony was as angry as any man would be when faced with an adversary, he could sympathise with him. He only wished he loved a woman with enough intensity and passion then he would have had the kind of love that they had.

Will watched the show before him with interest. A part of him was highly amused as he watched the couple twist and turn as they fumbled for desire in an action that just wasn't there. But the kiss seemed to go on and on and the other part of him festered at Deanna's determination to prove that she could feel that way for another man. But even Will knew she was fooling herself much more than she was fooling him.

Deanna tried, she really tried. Every ounce of her body and mind screamed to her heart to desire this man and kiss him as though she really meant it. But as she kissed him, mimicking the action of making love to him with her tongue in the vain hope that something would spark, the magic just was not there, and nor was the conviction.

Why wasn't it working? Antony had matched her thrusting tongue revelling with the knowledge that it must have been eating Riker alive to watch the woman that he wanted do what she was doing to him. But from relationships before Deanna had come into his life, he could sense and feel the loss, and that there was a whole lot missing from their relationship; an awful lot.

Even though Antony told himself that the relationship was doomed; that Riker had won, he still wasn't prepared to just hand her over without some kind of effort on his part. Hell, it was his pride at stake too, but moments later the charade was over when he felt Deanna's hands drop to his hips as the fire petered out of her kiss. He reluctantly let his mouth sever from hers and simultaneously their eyes opened and they found themselves looking at each other, seeing the truth for the very first time.

They were still staring into each other's eyes searching for a way to say the inevitable goodbye when Deanna felt a cool hand take one of hers as Will gently pulled her out of her fiancé's arms.

Tbc...


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter sixteen

No one knew who was surprised more when what was expected to happen never did. The whole world slipped back into slow motion as Will pulled Deanna out of Antony's arms and simply stood her before him as her face continued to watch the man she was leaving behind, her sorrow at losing not only him but his family too was breaking her heart. Taking her hand and gently placing it on top of his heart he wanted her to feel its non-to-steady beat. He wanted Deanna to feel the strength of his love for her.

Will thought he would end up just pulling her roughly into his own arms to not only devour her mouth but her very essence just to show Antony and the rest of the world that Deanna Troi was no one else's but his; could be no one else's but his, but that was until he swung her trembling form around to face him, finally breaking the link with Carstair's that the universe slammed to a halt.

For as long as he lived Will would never forget as Deanna turned her eyes and looked up into his and then he saw everything he wanted to see, and more besides. Her midnight black eyes glistened with barely held emotions as she reflected on the loss of one man and then her joy at finding her soul mate again. But more importantly to Will was her final acceptance that they were going to be together. He could see that in her tear-filled eyes. But most of all, those eyes had come alive with love, the one and only thing Will had ever wanted to see and feel from her, and at last, he'd finally gotten it.

But the realisation that his five long years of searching, of holding onto hope of finding her again, living on nightmares and dreams that had haunted him for far too long had finally come to an end and he didn't quite know what to do or say to the woman that stood before him.

Will couldn't help what he did next; he couldn't stop the powerful surge of relief from flooding his mind, his heart and his soul and with a strangled moan, at last, Will crushed Deanna against his own trembling body, totally enveloping her tiny form within his arms suddenly afraid of letting her go; afraid of never feeling the way that he did right then ever again; complete.

The overwhelming silence surrounding them told its own story. There had been no need for words as it had been there for the world to see; the whole story; two people with a past full of tears, a present that had hovered and haunted for five long years between darkness and despair. And now there was a future, a chance to start over and start anew. Two lost lovers reunited and reconnected upon every level at last. This was how it was meant to be.

This was love.

This was Imzadi.

Antony watched the union with envy. A little of it was to do with losing Deanna, but for the most part he'd been envious of never having, or knowing a relationship with that amount of desire or obvious devotion. Watching and seeing them together Antony had no choice but to accept fate, and fate had decreed that he had lost his fiancée to a better man; a man that had the ability to cherish her in a way that he never could, or would, and God knows, she deserved that.

Satisfied that Deanna was not going to disappear from his life ever again, Will eased her away from his body enough to turn her around and still keep her within the confines of his arms. Still holding her close the two of them faced Antony headlong and even a blind man could have seen the utter peace and serenity that had surrounded and embraced the united couple. They both wore a smile that said everything and in the end, even Antony could only smile sadly in return.

Stepping towards them Carstair stretched out his hand to the much taller man determined to at least walk away with a little dignity left, "Looks like you won, Riker."

With gratitude and joy Will gripped the out-stretched hand in return, unable to hide the emotion in his voice, "Yeah. Thanks for keeping her safe for me; I'll always be in your debt."

Antony let his hand drop as a wave of an emotion he didn't think he'd feel stole over his features. He found his eyes leaving the taller mans and settling on his ex-fiancée's, probably for the very last time. He welcomed the pain that zipped through him seeing her so at peace; so happy as it somehow make him feel almost human again. He hadn't felt that emotion for longer than he could remember and it felt strange that losing the woman he was about to marry was the final catalyst to remind him that somewhere, out there, was a woman that he could share his love with, a love like they had.

Antony couldn't stand there any longer; it was time to go. Half-heartedly, his hand rose in a gesture of farewell, but he couldn't bring himself to actually say the word. Seconds later, he was back in his vehicle and was speeding away and he never looked back.

Will and Deanna watched Carstair's fly away and Deanna felt rather than heard the sigh emanate from the man still hugging her close to him. Her hands reached up to his forearms and she stroked them comfortingly and Will kissed her hair in response to the tender touch,

"Bang goes our road." He half-heartedly moaned.

Deanna couldn't hide the tiny smile, "Oh, I don't know. I have a house to sell, a house that I'm sure he'd be interested in buying. I'm sure I could...persuade him to give me top dollar for it."

Deanna turned back around, still within the protective circle of Will's arms and slipping her own around his waist as she looked lovingly into Will's surprised eyes, "You'd do that, for me?!" he asked as renewed hope surged through him.

Deanna shook her head, "No, I'll do it for us, on one condition."

"Name it."

"You persuade Starfleet to supply us with a shuttle to go with our new job."

"Our!?"

"Uh huh. If we are going to go ahead with your plans to hire out the lodge while you're away on missions, then obviously, as your wife, I have the right to go with you, unless of course, you want me to stay home and play hostess."

"My wife, huh?"

"Your wife."

"But what about your own job, Deanna, you've worked so hard to build up a good clientele."

"I can still do that. I'll just rent a small office in town for now..." Then she dropped her bombshell, "That is until the children come along."

Her admission sent such a powerful punch to his gut that he couldn't stop himself from grinning like an idiot, nor could he stop himself from telling her something that he'd been waiting to say for five years, every painful one of them forgotten as he opened up his soul and let her fill it to capacity, "I love you, Deanna Troi."

Will watched the play of emotions and ideas flitting across the face of the woman he loved, his heart overflowing with such an intense euphoria at seeing everything that he'd waited so long to see and he almost kicked himself to see if he was dreaming. He knew he wasn't when Deanna reached up and pulled his face down to meet hers, pausing briefly to whisper against his mouth, "And I love you, Imzadi." before pulling him that final millimetre and sealing their lips together, along with their future.

They were both smiling when they eventually broke apart breathless with exertion and wonder. Deanna giggled self-consciously, "I wonder if we still have our audience? Heavens, they must think we're exhibitionists!"

Will's chuckle was low and seductive, "No, they all disappeared a long time ago when they were satisfied that Carstair's and I weren't going to come to blows."

Will pulled Deanna back against his long body as the impact at how close he'd gotten to losing her washed over him like a tidal wave of despair. It was finally time to let go. "Let's forget about the past, Deanna. From here on, it's us; no past, no nightmares and no lying blame. We've got to put it all behind us and start over, just us."

Will felt and heard Deanna's sigh of relief along with a tight squeeze of his body as she understood, "Just us." She agreed.

Will dropped his arms away from Deanna just long enough to take her hand and his eyes were serious once more as a touch of uncertainty briefly invaded his soul, "Are you ready to come home now, Deanna?"

Moving away from Will's body Deanna began walking towards the jeep, her hand firmly clinging onto his as she tugged him along. The smile she threw him over her shoulder was tremendous and her eyes glittered with tears of happiness as she whispered without one shadow of a doubt at his smiling face, "Yes, Will, I am."

End.


End file.
